Page 77 of Mastering their Maiden

CHAPTER 31

Aria

Esme looked the same, but also nothing like the sister I remembered.

Over a year had passed, so it shouldn’t surprise me, but the Esme in my head was so much different than the one I’d seen out there. Her cheeks were full rather than slightly hollowed out. Her curves were soft rather than sharp. She had braids in her hair, a dress warmer than any I’d thrown together for myself since she left. And for as much as I’d imagined her being whipped and tormented, bound to a bed for them to ravish, she was cherished. I only knew Lavan, but the other two were just as devoted to her.

She was happy. Her life was full of joy and peace.

Which left little room for me.

I stood in the cabin, my hands shaking, arms still warm from where her baby was nestled inside them. Aravan. It sounded nothing like my name, but yet it did.

They were all out there now, fussing over him. As they should be. He was just a newborn, barely a fortnight old. Innocent. Defenseless. And Esme had just given birth. She needed rest and care just as much as he did. Had she birthed a child here, she would have suffered the same fate Summer had. I’d caught her out of bed the day after Lucan was born, carrying him to the market so she could collect her meager scraps for the day.

It’s good Esme was spared that fate. She deserved better than that. All of us did. The Kavari, as much as I’d hated them, made sure she got that. They gave her a life so much better than she or I ever imagined either of us would have.

I couldn’t be angry at her for it.

But I couldn’t think of anything else the ache in my chest represented, the one that hit me with so much intensity I almost stumbled when Umber moved away to make room for Esme on the stack of crates. He hadn’t noticed. None of them did. And why would they? Kaiden even said it. He’d wanted to try to put a baby inside me right now. That’s all I was to them. I had no other purpose than to bear them a son.

I wondered how many Esme would birth before her men got tired of her. Three? One for each? Then they’d toss her aside?

Would my men do the same to me?

The pang in my chest reared to life again, along with the deep knowledge that I was lying to myself. They wouldn’t toss her aside. The way the dark-haired Kavari man cupped her face told me that. The way Lavan instantly bolted to her side, or how the blond one pulled her close and kissed her forehead. They fussed over her. They worried for her. They loved her because she was soft and sweet and beautiful. Because she was easy to love.

And I… I was difficult.

It’d always been that way. First, I was shy, then fearful, and after Esme was taken, more descriptors were added. Combative. Obstinate. Disobedient.

Reckless.

Umber used that term to describe me. I’d rushed into battle to help him, and he called me reckless. I’d saved Kaiden’s godsdamned life, and they called me reckless.

I hadn’t realized I was crying until the tears dripped off my chin and onto my tunic. I wiped them away, but they wouldn’t stop. My body was shaking, and it wouldn’t stop. The noises in my throat, the tightness, that ache in my chest. None of it would stop. I was so caught up in it that when a hand slid around my waist and turned me, I had to bite back a scream.

Kaiden stood in front of me, flanked by Zander, and less than a heartbeat later Dex and Umber followed. Dex took one look at me and had the good sense to shut the door. He probably didn’t want anyone to see the woman he’d claimed crying.

I didn’t want them to see me crying.

But Kaiden had hold of my waist, then my jaw. He shushed me, and when I pushed on his chest, Zander took one of my hands. Dex took the other, and Umber curled himself around my back. His strong arms slid around my waist, and I felt him rest his head in the crook of my neck. Dex let his head fall to my shoulder. Zander was kissing my fingers. Kaiden just held my jaw when I tried to shake my head.

“Let me go.”

“No.”

“You don’t really want me. You don’t… need me.”

“We don’t want anyone but you.”

“She… my sister… She doesn’t need me. She left.”

Kaiden gave me a half smile and leaned in, pressing a kiss to my quivering lips. “And if she hadn’t, we never would have found each other. The four of us would be miserable in the city, lying in bed every night with each other, all of us satisfied but grumpy because something was missing.”

“You were missing,” Umber murmured.

“But all I do is run away.” I shook my head, trying to look anywhere other than their faces. “When I get scared, angry… I just…”

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