Page 34 of Making New Plans

“I learned I had to be ruthless.” I threaded and threaded. “When I was in college, I researched everything I could do to be successful in school and in my career. I tried to take every piece of advice I found: multiple internships, publishing papers, blogging, extra credit stuff, anything that would look good on a resume.” I paused to tie off an end with a quick double knot and started on the next banner. “But I got less and less sleep and started nodding off in class. I didn’t work at my paid job enough to cover my bills. I didn’t have any family around and very few friends to distract me, which made my life easier in that regard.” I paused again, this time to take a steadying breath after the lie. “I lost my apartment and almost got kicked out of a few classes for poor grades before I realized that I needed to cut out a few things.”

Chloe had stopped working entirely and sat, hunched over, clutching one of the garish ribbons. “How did you decide?” she whispered.

That small whisper had me reaching for her hand. I squeezed it gently before continuing. “I wrote out my goal then listed everything I absolutely needed to do in order to achieve it. A place to live and food to eat? Have to have a paying job. Good grades to graduate? Classes and homework are top priority. Any extras were just what made me happy. I had several internships, and I chose the one that most aligned with my goals and how it made me feel.”

“What was the internship?”

The tips of my ears grew warm. “Sketching at a retirement home.”

The corners of her mouth perked up. “Sketching what exactly? I didn’t think you drew people.”

Carter’s earlier question about if houses were too beneath me floated back to my mind. I’d made some bumbling progress with him today, but the idea of sharing this made my stomach clench. But Chloe had shared a few things with me, and in some ways, she was harder to get to know than I was. And I didn’t want her to stop revealing those hidden parts of herself to me. Which left one path forward.

I forged on. “No, I didn’t sketch the people there. I drew their houses. Some of those folks tended to get lonely. They liked to reminisce about their lives, and sometimes they wanted to remember the houses they used to live in.”

I couldn’t quite read the look on Chloe’s face. Her brows were scrunched, her lips pursed, like she was trying to figure out a difficult math problem in her head. My nerves tightened like a coiled spring, but I kept going.

“One lady, Jessie, who’d never met a cat or a cupcake she didn’t like, took a shine to me. She saw my drawing homework for class and asked if I could do something like that for her off a picture and memories. I figured it was a good opportunity to expand my skills, so I…I… You think I’m ridiculous, don’t you?” I blurted out when I couldn’t handle her staring anymore.

Her intense frown unfurled in surprise. “What? No! I think it’s amazing. I had no idea you could do something like that.” Her tongue tripped over the words, and her cheeks turned pink.

My own heated. I shrugged. “It wasn’t a big deal. Anyway, she loved her portrait and showed it off to every other resident. Before I knew it, I was being mobbed with the canes and walkers of everyone who wanted a home portrait done.”

Chloe bit her lip but couldn’t hide the tender smile hovering there. Her sweet coffee scent and the look in her eyes tugged on my soul.

Which, of course, made me admit something I’d never admitted to anyone before. “It was kind of cool going to the residents’ rooms after a while and seeing my work on their walls. The joy it brought them. It felt good.”

Damn, sharing personal stuff felt like getting a root canal. The only anesthetic I could think of were some answers for myself.

“Chloe, do you like your job, and if so, why?”

She blinked, pulling back. Then she picked up the wrinkled ribbons and continued weaving them into bows before answering me. “I do like my job. For the most part. I love helping people. I love seeing their faces light up when they love a walk I suggested, or they had the best time taking a kayak trip I put together.”

“But?”

“But sometimes the stress gets to me. The fact that so many people, the employees and guests alike, depend on me for so much. That one miscommunication or error like yesterday can lead to such a terrible failure. Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to run up a waterfall and keep getting beat back down by everything I’m supposed to do or want to do but can’t.”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I gazed at her, transfixed. No one had ever opened up to me like that. Told me some of those deep, dark insecurities I thought might only be present at the bottom of my own soul. A hopeful flame of kinship flickered to life.

She let out a breathy laugh in the silence. “Wow, how’s that for some unsolicited personal problems?” Her eyes looked up at me from under her eyelashes, judging my reaction.

What the hell was I supposed to say? I hadn’t expected this. I thought she’d give me a business-like answer that would hopefully put her in perspective in my mind. Instead, she’d launched me into uncharted territory.

I blurted out, “Why don’t you ever say no?”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

I gestured to the decorations around us. “To this. To your mother. To the committees. To people asking favors.”

She yanked out a lopsided bow. “It’s not that simple. I have a responsibility to the town, to my job, to my family.”

“But you don’t have to. Why don’t you just—”

“Be more like you? You did say to be ruthless, right?”

Suddenly, I felt like I was sliding down a cliff face, scrambling for any handholds to slow my fall. “Well, yes, but—”

“And how’s that working out for you?”

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