Page 29 of Deep Gap

“It’s not your business,” Mac responds, even and calm.

“Everything about the business is our business.”

“Um, hey. You wanted to see me?” I stand in the doorway. A horrible prickle travels up my back. Karen hadn’t sounded off when my walkie crackled with the request to meet her in Mac’s office after my session let out.

“Did you call Byron in here? Karen, leave it,” Mac warns.

“I did because Byron let his temper get the best of him with the new recruits yesterday. Now that I know why, I’m unhappy he brought his personal problems to work.”

Mac grabs Karen’s shoulders, squaring them. “We do not have a policy against employees dating. I’m not about to enact one posthumously. And right now, you are letting your feelings cloud your concerns.”

“I am not!” Karen shrugs him off.

“You didn’t leave that kid hanging, did you, Byron?”

“No, sir.” Mac had requested I work one-on-one with the vet who wasn’t connecting with his dog. I’ve just finished up with them and they’re confident in the intermediate commands now. But whatever I’ve done before answering Karen’s request won’t be enough. She’s not mad at me about the vet. She’s upset that Greer is staying with me.

“Then come on in and close the door.” Mac motions me inside.

I do as I’m told because Greer doesn’t deserve more people making her the topic of gossip.

Mac rounds his desk and looks out the window towards the hives. “It’s important we’re all on the same page. Byron and I talked this through already. He has nothing to apologize for. I gave him my blessing. I saw Greer this morning before she left for the day and, considering how happy she was, it’s a safe bet they’ve discussed whatever their problems were in private.”

“Why would you do that? Greer’s a young, impressionable girl.”

He turns, fisting his knuckles onto the desktop. “Because she has done everything to make amends with you. And the one thing none of us can fix is the past. Greer can keep feeding you all the things Ellis would never in a million years tell us because they were supposed to remain secrets between best friends, but it won’t bring back what you lost. There’s not going to be an Ellis and Greer. Our boy isn’t here anymore.”

“I can’t believe you’d accuse me of thinking that. You and she spend entire afternoons out there with your metal steamy things, and nets over your heads.”

“And we don’t talk about anything except bees, Karen. I’ve gotten to know the Greer she is today. A woman who will stand in the dark waiting for a bus with a switchblade in her pocket to protect her. That Greer is as old in years as anyone in this office. She’s not naive to the ugliness in the world, or susceptible to a man’s unwanted advances.”

“Ellis loved her.” Karen chokes out. Her eyes, filled with tears, land on me.

“But for how long? How could we even know what Ellis and Greer could’ve had would last forever if they’d been sober? It’s not fair to ask Greer to live her life in the past. We don’t have an employee handbook and it’s unreasonable to expect Byron to agree to us changing the rules on our whim.”

“Well, I don’t agree!” she shouts, storming out.

“Mac, I can—” Hell, I don’t know what I can do besides give my notice. Greer certainly can’t. Where else would she find a job surrounded by anyone who cares? “I’m sorry.” My shoulders slump.

Mac huffs. “It’s my own fault. I should have put a stop to it years ago, but she’s my wife, Byron.”

Mac hadn’t wanted Karen hurt more than she was and staying silent kept them all victims of a terrible circumstance.

“Dealing with this won’t be easy. On you. On Greer. I don’t know if Karen will come around and see my perspective. I won’t fight her if she doesn’t.”

I nod, agreeing with Mac because he has the objectivity from when Karen allowed him to make up his own mind about him seeing Greer when he was ready.

I’m on edge the rest of the afternoon. The feeling like my job is slipping out from under my feet keeps me on high alert. I’m kind to a fault with the former soldiers on the premises for training. I stay later, walking men and women, who are still slowly getting used to managing new lives with their prosthetics, and their dogs back through drills until they’re secure with what I’m teaching them.

From the instant Karen and Mac approached me, they’ve been like a surrogate set of parents. Good people I depend on to help me see the good in others, and maybe even in me. Because even your wounds aren’t visible, there isn’t a soldier I’ve met who has come back from a tour unscathed. If they could forgive Greer, then I should eventually find it in my heart to forgive my wrong-doings.

Taking the long way through Brighton, I circle the block that Greer lived on behind Sweet Caroline’s. The radio blares loud, angry music. I want to scream my motherfucking head off over it. It’s not fair that life was perfect for only a few golden hours.

If I had Jovie in the car she’d need those noise-canceling earmuffs Trig bought Tallulah. I leave her home so often now because Greer is there. I don’t even have to be stealthy about it. Jov has what I feared she’d lose when her companion moved on. Somewhere deep down I’ve found out something I was afraid to admit too: Jovie is getting older. She won’t be around perpetually. And, when she’s gone, I’ll have no one.

As tough as it is, I guess that’s why I can accept Mac’s point of view about Karen. Without her, he has no one left either.

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