Fewer enemies. Thea wanted that, but it didn’t seem possible.
She hadn’t asked for this. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Her face heated as the injustice rose up her neck. She didn’t deserve this. She hadn’t started the fight.
“Take the animals, for instance. If you have a herd of cattle that you’ve moved far enough away from others, over time, they’ll forget the ranchers they used to know. You’re no longer their caretaker and friend, you’re a potential threat, and they’ll treat you as such.
“The same goes if we drift too far away from God. We forget that we used to know Him. We don’t have the same connection as before. Your relationship moves from friends to acquaintances to strangers.”
Thea thought back over the things she’d done that might have impacted her family. She had love in her heart. In fact, she had too much of it and no outlet. She was torn between the urge to seek revenge for the life they’d stolen from her and screaming for the peace that she’d been praying for over the years.
Which would make her happy? Revenge or peace?
Which would make God happy? He could forgive, forget, and move on, but was she capable of those monumental acts?
Would it even do her any good?
Mr. Chambers went on. “God’s love isn’t like any other kind of love. It’s not conditional. It’s unfailing. He doesn’t only love us when we’re perfect. He loves us when we’re beaten down and broken in the same way He loves us when we’re celebrating and joyous. His love is unending and unconditional. We might not be able to practice it to perfection, but every time we choose goodness and love, we’re choosing to further His kingdom.”
Maybe this message didn’t apply to her as much as she thought. She hadn’t been given a chance to choose goodness and love. Hate had been thrust upon her from the start.
Thea squirmed in her seat. Making things right within her family wasn’t possible. She didn’t have that kind of control. Her best option was to leave and forget the war that would continue to rage in Blackwater.
When Mr. Chambers closed with a prayer, Thea couldn’t quiet the unease in her heart. What was she waiting for here? An end to the feud seemed too much to ask, and she was no closer to seeing her mom.
Everyone hung around and chatted for a bit, and Thea wanted to commandeer a horse from the stables and ride off into the mountains. She couldn’t go for a drive. She couldn’t go into town. She couldn’t do anything. She couldn’t call her mom, and she certainly couldn’t have a peaceful life with Brett.
She wanted everything she couldn’t have. It was selfish–all of it. But she couldn’t stop the wanting.
When only Brett and Hadley were left, Hadley slipped on her coat and grabbed her purse. “I need to go check on mom. Will you be okay for a few hours?”
“Of course. I don’t have any plans today,” Thea said, but the stillness of the cabin would certainly drive her mad.
“Great. Call me if you need me.” Hadley waved and skipped out into the cold afternoon.
Brett stood from the couch and let his hands flop down to his sides. “Well, what do you want to do?”
The extent of the question kicked her square in the chest. Of all the things she wanted, the freedom to answer that question honestly was at the top of the list.
“Thea?” Brett’s brow creased. “You okay?”
She nodded, unsure if her voice would break if she tried to speak.
Brett wrapped his arms around her, cradling her close. She rested her head against his chest and fought the tears.
This was what she wanted. Safety. But it was too much to ask.
This man could do it. She knew that truth in her bones. But he’d be putting himself in the line of fire. He’d be sacrificing his own happiness, and she would be a burden, whether he realized that now or not.
“Thank you for arranging the service this morning. I needed it,” she whispered.
“We can keep doing this. Everyone was happy to come.”
Thea raised her head and pushed her hair back. “No, wecan’tkeep doing this. They deserve to be able to go to church. They’re not the ones trapped here.”
The arm wrapped around her stiffened. “Trapped?”
“I can’t go anywhere. I can’t leave.”
“You can leave,” Brett said quickly. “You’re not a prisoner. I can’t believe you think that.”