Page 64 of Better Together

“Yeah. I didn’t start until I was eleven, and it was pointless. I went to the meetings, but I was completely shut off.”

“Do you still go now?” Colt asked.

“I actually stopped going about a year ago. Mostly because I didn’t have anything else I felt like I needed to work through. I’ve been screwed up for a long time, but I’m starting to figure out how to live with myself.”

Colt’s thumb brushed over her shoulder and into the crook of her neck, and his gaze followed the path. “You’re pretty easy to live with,” he whispered.

“You’ve been living with me for five days. I don’t think you’re qualified to make that assumption yet.”

“I’ve been living with you in my life for years. Moving in with you hasn’t been much of a change. I already knew we would be good at this.”

“Oh, really? I’m glad you have it all figured out.”

“You don’t?”

The drop in Colt’s last word was heavy with hurt.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just trying to find out what all of this means for us.”

“Me, you, and the kids?”

Remi picked at her fingernails. The uncertainty had been eating at her lately. “That, yes. But just me and you too.”

Colt sat up and turned his body to face her completely. “It means what you want it to mean. I told you I wouldn’t ask for more than you were willing to give.”

“I don’t think you’re going to force yourself on me. You’re not like that.”

“Then what are you worried about? I’m happy to share my life with you. My home, my family, my money, my successes, all of it.”

Remi looked down at her ring. Colt was willing to give her so much, but what was she willing to give him?

“I told Ben something today that I haven’t told to anyone else here.”

Colt didn’t say anything at first. Would he be hurt by her trust in someone else?

“Do you want to tell me? You still don’t have to. I’m glad you’re opening up to Ben. He needs someone who might understand what he’s going through.”

Remi twisted her ring around her finger. “There’s a lot you don’t know because I try not to talk about it unless I have to. Mostly, I’ve moved on and accepted the past for what it is–the past. When I decided to leave my therapist indefinitely, one of the things she encouraged me to do was to think of others. I had to focus on myself first, but once I could cope better on my own, she promised I’d be able to open up more of myself to the people I trusted. I wasn’t sure it would ever happen, but itdidhappen. In that office with Janet. I knew it was time to devote more of myself to someone else, and it was you. You and the kids.”

Colt twirled a string of her hair around his finger. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”

And there it was. It had taken years to understand what it meant to put someone else first, and now she knew why God called us to love our neighbors. Sure, her therapist wanted Remi to love herself first, but Colt showed her that. The way he dropped everything when she needed a hand. The way he checked on her when she was having a tough time. The way he put her and the kids first.

He taught her how to love herself.

She’d been amazed when she learned that the Lord loved her despite her sins, but that awe had dwindled over the years and she’d forgotten about the power of love.

Remi leaned her head against the back of the couch. “I’m tired.”

Colt reached for her hand and stood, pulling her to her feet. “Go to bed.”

“I have to wait for the dryer to finish. The pants Ben wants to wear tomorrow are in that load.”

“I’ll take care of it. Get some rest.”

Remi swallowed. Was this what marriage was like? Or was this what marriage to Colt was like? She’d been on her own her whole life, but despite the added responsibility, her life was getting easier in some ways.

Colt smiled down at her, and the glimmer of mischief in his eyes had Remi’s pulse racing.

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