Page 107 of Better Together

Camille tilted her head. “But you did, didn’t you?”

Remi looked away, unable to face the full reminder of those hard years. “I deserved it. I asked for a lot of that mess. I ruined my own life.”

“You didn’t know any better.”

“How much do you know about all that? We haven’t talked about it, but I’ve been expecting it to come back to bite me.”

“I know enough, but this isn’t about you. It’s about your trust. I’ve known Colt for a long time, and he’s always been a good guy. I know people can hide their worst from the world, but I don’t think the man we know would abuse a woman. People don’t change that much.”

“But they do. I did!” Remi pointed at her chest. “I was ten times worse than whatever you read in my file. If you can think of something terrible, I probably did it. Except murder. I didn’t do that. But I stole, cheated, lied, and hurt people. I did it all on purpose. I was walking destruction, and at the time, I didn’t care who I hurt. Colt could have been the same, and I would never be the wiser.”

“Have you ever felt like his past didn’t add up? Has he ever told you things that seemed disjointed?”

“No, it’s actually the opposite. I believed him whole-heartedly.”

“And do you think he’s a good enough actor to keep that up for years? Even when you’ve been married since September?”

Remi sighed. “No. I don’t think that.”

“What about now? What areyoulike now? I think that’s important.”

“Now, I’m different. I care too much, and I’m scared to admit it.” Remi pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes. “I was Tasha. I was headed down all the wrong roads, mostly the one that led straight away from Heaven. I overdosed. I should have died.”

Camille rubbed her hand over Remi’s shoulder blade, soothing a hurt so deep that no one had touched it before. “God was saving you for later.”

Remi looked up, daring to hope that the words were true. Kendra had saved her, Mr. Chambers had saved her, the kids had saved her.

And Colt. He’d saved her too. Was this all a part of God’s plan? It had to be. Nothing else could have put these opportunities in her path.

“I guess you could say that. After the overdose and the rehab, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I saw a chance to have some good in my life instead of bad on top of bad on top of bad. And I took it. I held on so tight that nothing mattered more than walking the new path I was desperate to keep.” She looked up at Camille. “I’m still not sure it’s going to stick. After this, I don’t know which way is up.”

“We’ve all been through trauma,” Camille said.

“Even you?”

“Even me. I was in a car wreck, and I lost my memories. I didn’t know who to trust. I didn’t know who was manipulating me into being the person they wanted instead of who I was. I didn’t even know who I was, but everyone was trying to tell me.”

“Now, that’s an identity crisis,” Remi admitted.

“It was! I finally realized who I could trust.”

“Your husband?”

Camille nodded, and a genuine smile spread over her face. “Noah. He’s always been special, and even though I literally forgot him, he helped me remember all of the wonderful times we’d had. We were best friends most of our lives, and he never gave up on me. When I thought he was a stranger, I knew in my heart that he wasn’t really.”

“I think I know what you mean. Colt has always been the same. He’s been there for me since day one, and he hasn’t asked for…”

She recalled his vows. He promised never to ask for more than she was willing to give. That vow must have crushed him when he wasn’t sure if she would eventually love him or not. Yet he’d been a constant rock in her life.

“Remi, the terrible childhood you went through was more than a kid should ever have to endure. From what I’ve heard, Colt didn’t grow up in a stable home either.”

“No, his mom left, and his dad is still an alcoholic.” Even though she’d known about his parents, she always imagined a kid version of Colt with a happy-go-lucky smile. Now, she could see that her idea was probably not the reality.

“We all handle things differently. We never want to talk about the things that hurt us. We’re always pushing back against it. But the one thing we all want to know is how to overcome it. How to deal with it in our daily life. Sometimes, that means forgiving when it seems unforgivable. Sometimes, that means forgiving yourself.”

Remi bit the inside of her cheek. She hadn’t forgiven herself because the blame she’d always held was still there. Knowing about forgiveness and putting it into action were two completely different things.

“I thought I was getting better. Moving on. But–”

---