Page 89 of Better Together

How had he known? The therapy session had done her some good but not enough. The lines between truths and lies had been blurring in the last few weeks. Colt never missed a chance to remind her how much he appreciated her. He had an endless store of motivation and encouragement, but her old ways were fighting against him.

A lifetime of thinking she was a waste of space and too stupid to live didn’t go away with a few sweet words. In fact, every sweet thing Colt said held a silent question behind it.

Can that be true?

And so began her tug-of-war. Who was right? Colt or her? And she was starting to become dependent on his regular pick-me-ups, so she’d seen the depression coming a mile away.

Hopefully, he’d have more news today after the hearing and filings with the probate court. She was in need of good news.

But he could just as easily get bad news. The agency had run a background check on her–fingerprints and all–when they’d been in Newcastle two months ago, but it was only a matter of time before the agency had something to say about the tiny, crooked bricks in her past. They were there, plain as day and screwing up the entire foundation of her life. Their effects were still rippling through her life today.

The Justice family came to mind. The overwhelmed mother and oblivious father hadn’t seen her coming until fourteen-year-old Remi had torn through their home. She’d been sure they wouldn’t miss the vintage brooch she’d stolen from them, and she’d been right. Ten years later, she’d never heard another word about the family heirloom she’d traded for heroin.

Remi folded the letter and brushed the pads of her thumb over the paper. Just because she hadn’t heard about it didn’t mean the Justice family hadn’t shared their suspicions with the case manager. That little tidbit could be sitting in a file with her name on it at the Weston County Department of Family Services right this minute.

There were other foster families, and some had noticed her thefts, though none were proven. Every home she passed through deemed her a miscreant, and the system was glad to be rid of her when she aged out.

All of those offenses liked to gang up and throw a party in her head. It was more like a bonfire that tended to get out of control. Those old ideas about her worth–or lack of–were beating her over the head, pounding her into the ground like a fence post.

How could she ever tell Colt about those things? He thought she was perfect, but he couldn’t be more wrong. She was damaged. Tainted. Broken. Shattered.

A heart like that couldn’t be mended. It was always a little bent, ready to sway a little further off course whenever the wind blew the right way. She hadn’t reached the point of considering relapsing, and that was the reason the therapy session had been necessary. She couldn’t ever let herself get to that point.

“Morning!” Abby sang as she bounced into the kitchen.

Remi laid the note on the table and opened her arms. “Morning, sweetie. You sleep okay?”

“Yep.” She looked around, and her smile faded. “When is Uncle Colt coming back?”

“Only five days counting today. What would you like for breakfast?”

“Can we have bethel ham?”

Remi raised her eyebrows. “What is bethel ham?”

“I don’t know. They said it at church.”

Remi slapped a hand over her mouth, giving her time to come up with a response.

“We always have bacon, but DJ said bethel ham sounds good.”

DJ was a little boy in Abby’s Sunday School class, so there must have been some pre-school talk going on about the pork options last Sunday.

“Well, there isn’t a food called bethel ham, at least not that I know of. But Bethlehem is where Jesus was born.”

“Oh! I knew that. I didn’t know it was the same thing.”

Ben stepped into the kitchen rubbing his eyes. “What’s for breakfast?”

“I think Abby wants to switch things up. What about sausage?”

Ben shrugged. “Works for me.”

Abby tugged on Remi’s hand. “I’m hungry, and I’m about to get whiny.”

Remi patted Abby’s head. “Thanks for the warning. Get dressed, and I might have breakfast ready by the time you get done.” Inevitably, it would take Abby ten minutes to get dressed. She could at least be close to having the eggs ready by that time.

She moved through the rest of the day on autopilot. Abby played, Remi helped Hadley with the kids, even though it was her day off, and Ben was full of pent-up energy when he got home from school.

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