Page 56 of Desperately Seeking Kitty

“There’s no hard feelings on your side. How can you be sure there isn’t on theirs?”

“They never said.”

I rolled my eyes and nudged Princess’s crinkly ball with my foot, which sent her careening in to chase it—right under the couch.

The couch I was probably going to have bronzed.

“So where’s your plane chick? Waiting for round fifteen?”

“You overestimate your old man. I appreciate it at my age.” He laughed heartily and I imagined him puffing on a cigar, kicked back in his recliner. I missed the jerk.

And I was actually admitting it, if only to myself. It had been so long since I’d acknowledged how I felt. Usually, I kept everything on lockdown.

One guess who’d broken down my defenses with his magic tongue and strong arms and love of animals.

I was like a romance noveldon’t.So much for me knowing better.

“Actually, she came over for an early breakfast, we talked, and she had to get to work. She wants to meet you.”

“They all do.” I rolled my eyes. “Until they see I’m not some Barbie lookalike who wants a mommy substitute for the winter.”

He was quiet for a long moment. “You’re so cynical. I never noticed that before. Is that my fault?”

I frowned. Was he actually asking a question and listening for the answer? One that might reflect badly on him, no less?

“It’s my fault,” I said instead of spewing at him. Not to let him off the hook, but because I was an adult, dammit, and I couldn’t keep blaming him for how I reacted to him.

As much as I wanted to.

“I let myself get bitter.”

“After Muffintop died. You don’t go out much anymore. Or even leave your apartment. I worry about you, Kate.”

I almost tossed backsince whenbut I managed to hold my tongue.

“Lacey saw your photo on the mantel here last night. She said you were beautiful.”

“Me? I didn’t know you had my picture.” I couldn’t believe he’d bother to display it either.

“Yes, you. You’re a beautiful young lady.” He cleared his throat then cleared it once more. “I know I said some things over the years that maybe made you think I felt otherwise. No one teaches you how to be a parent. Some of us are better at it than others.”

“Couldn’t be much worse than my so-called mother.”

“That’s what I always told myself. Good or bad, hey, at least I was around. But if I did damage to you…” He trailed off.

“You’re still doing damage to me,” I said quietly. “When you tell me you’re coming by and never show, it hurts.” My voice broke. “I hurt.”

“Some old patterns can be hard to break, baby girl. I’m getting older. And when I meet someone and get to chase that high… Well, I lose track of time. That’s no excuse.”

My throat muscles tightened and I nearly went silent. That was what I’d almost always done in the past. Stuffed down my emotions and muted my voice to protect myself.

If he didn’t know he hurt me, at least I could take comfort in that.

“No. It isn’t.”

Though even as I said it, I thought of how I’d gotten lost myself last night. If my father had come over—worse, if he’d used the key I’d given him some years ago to look in on the cats before Muffin had passed—he would’ve gotten to be a bystander to someone else’s indifference to his presence…

Just as I had been so many times.

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