Page 1 of Desperately Seeking Kitty

ONE

After midnight,anything was possible.

Or so the tarot cards and reheated Chinese told me.

My food wasn’t talking to me—I’m not quite that batty yet—but I was having…a moment. I had a pleasantly full belly and Loreena McKennitt was playing while snow swirled beyond my windows on the third floor of my building. Down below, the few cars moved about sluggishly, their jewel tones mixed with a heck of a lot of neutrals.

Kinda like my life.

But right now, I felt cozy. Warm. Safe.

Rare for me as of late.

I’d pulled The Sun and The Star. Positive cards that encouraged me to do what I was about to do.

Even if I half believed fortune telling of any sort was a bunch of hooey.

I shifted on the padded window seat, pressing my suddenly warm cheek to the cold window. Beside me, Princess Goldenrod snored lightly with her wet pink nose pressed against my bare thigh. I tried to tug my robe back into place without disturbing her, then gave up and went back to my phone.

Want ads for all kinds of pet-related items scrolled down my screen. Kitten Around was a local charity that mostly focused on saving the most desperately in-need kittens, usually those that were critical or special needs in some way.

Exactly why I couldn’t afford to help them in any way but financial right now. I’d lost my beloved cat earlier this year—Princess Goldenrod’s bonded mate—and as much as I empathized with those kittens who needed homes, I couldn’t take the risk of losing another so soon.

Couldn’t take the risk period.

Not to mention owning or fostering another cat would require more interaction with the outside world. More vet visits, more grocery trips—even if I almost always ordered delivery except in extreme cases—just more of everything.

But my Princess was lonely. So I’d brainstormed another way for her to get her required interaction with her species without her running free as an indoor/outdoor cat. That was too dangerous for a number of reasons—communicable diseases, inclement weather, fights, cars. Just way too many threats out there.

Surely there was another way. And lo and behold, I’d come up with one.

I would rent a cat.

Okay, yes, the idea sounded kind of nuts. I’d certainly never heard of such a thing before. I supposed I could’ve gone the cat café route—assuming I’d been okay with the whole public interaction thing. That was not an option right now. And I didn’t know if you were allowed to bring your own pet to interact with the ones there. Probably not.

Besides, sometimes you had to try something new.

Mynewwas helping someone who perhaps was in a financial bind while they handled all the cat’s vet visits and other needs. One thing I had was money. In return, I would rent their cat for a pre-approved number of hours a week, depending on what my girl seemed to like best.

It wouldn’t be a quick process. She was finicky. Her human mama was evenmorefinicky. It had to be exactly the right fit.

So far, I’d been deluged with offers since I’d first placed my ad in Kitten Around’s classifieds section two days ago. If deluged meant zero.

Which meant it was time to change things up.

Maybe I needed to make it seem…I don’t know, more appealing? How did one entice someone to be willing to rent out their cat? Just for perfectly innocent cuddling and inter-cat relations of a playful nature.

I wasn’t selling sex, although I had reason to know that a hint—or more than a hint—of naughtiness definitely got attention. I could always try an experiment. If it didn’t work or my ad attracted some kind of weirdo, I’d just cancel it and go back to living my life as a mysterious oddity who locked herself in her apartment and liked cats more than people and would rather type than talk to anyone.

It was now closer to one a.m. I still had zero bites on my very factual ad.

Princess Goldenrod, a gold—duh—DSH cat, would like to pay for the services of a preferably male cat for afternoon playdates. Several sessions a week with all toys provided (though they will remain at my home after your boy goes home). She is spayed and has all shots. Requesting same. Pay negotiable.

PRGLDNROD

So I used my honed skills at crafting provocative text to write myself a doozy. Only slightly encouraged by two—fine, three—cans of Brothers Three Orchard’s hard apple cider.

Seeking pussy for a few playdates a week. I started out wanting a male for my gold girl, but I decided to open the field. So, a male or female can work depending on fit. I have toys and beds, though they will stay on premises. Must be up to date on shots. Top dollar for the right candidate. Discretion is advised.

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