Page 54 of Deal With The Devil

I inhale, stinging from that revelation. "It’s true; I haven’t been there recently. But I thought they had a fresh batch of volunteers.”

Minnie buttons her coat and gives me a look. "They do. We are beyond set up for volunteers for the next two months. That doesn’t mean that the kids miss you any less, though."

I nod, my smile falling away. "I know. Things have just been crazy for the last week. I have been so busy between my shifts here and at the restaurant. Plus, I have this ongoing project that I’m working on with Olivia."

I don’t mention to Aunt Minnie thattheprojectis what I am calling Dare. I rush to assure my aunt. "My project will be completed pretty soon. I swear."

Minnie moves forward to give me another quick hug and pats my shoulder. "That’s good, kiddo. I am just passing on a message. I'm not really concerned about it either way. I just want you to be healthy and happy."

She gently moves me out of the doorway and starts toward the front. I lick my lips, feeling terrible. Not being able to confide in Aunt Minnie is hard. But I tell myself that it will only last a little bit longer.

At least, that is the plan.

As soon as she is gone, I walk to the desk, my eyes riveted on my boho bag. I dig through the contents and quickly pull out the box that I’ve been thinking about all day.

I swallow, and my pulse races as I cup the pregnancy test in my hands. My hands shake as I turn it over.

In just ninety seconds, you can find out if you are pregnant.

I can feel the sweat breaking out across my brow. The bell at the door chimes, and I look up, ready to tell any customers that the bookshop is closed for lunch right now.

But then I see Olivia walk into the store, her brown hair falling around her shoulders. She has a worried expression on her face. I let out a moan, holding up the box for her to see. Her brow knits as she rushes over to me and hugs me tightly. I hold onto her for a second longer than is strictly necessary, taking comfort in her embrace.

She looks at the box in my hand and nods solemnly. "I’ll get the lock on the front door. You have got to do this right now. This is the only way to be sure."

I inhale, suddenly feeling like her words have given me a blow to my stomach. She turns and heads to the front door, and I go to the little bathroom down the hall. I nervously open the box and stare at the applicator.

My entire future has turned into a series of question marks. It’s all very opaque and uncertain.

After peeing on the test strip, I can't stand to stay in the bathroom with the test. That test holds so many answers about exactly what my future will be.

I can’t even look at it as I close the bathroom door behind me. I exhale when I’m on the other side of the door. As if the meager shelter is protecting me from that little test that could destroy my life.

I press my knuckles against my lips and close my eyes, trying to remember how to breathe. When Olivia’s hands gently grip my arms, I jump, and my eyes pop open. She gives me a soothing look.

"Why don’t we go wait in your office?"

I nod, and she herds me down the hallway and into my small, tidy space. She closes the door after me and sits me down in the chair opposite the desk. This is usually the guest chair, hardly ever used, but now it saves my shaky legs from failing me. I rest, grateful for the furniture.

"Talia," Olivia says. "Look at me."

Swallowing, I raise my eyes to her face. She kneels in front of me, her hands taking up space on my knee. She looks up at me and smiles, reaching up and tucking a strand of my copper hair behind my ear.

"It’s going to be okay, no matter what the test says. Okay?"

I shake my head.

"You don’t… You don’t know that," I stutter.

She purses her lips and tilts her head to one side. "Talia. You are the one who has always told me that you want a family. In fact, you told me several times that you want seven kids. That’s a lot, by the way."

I rub my temples, feeling like I have a headache brewing. "I do want a family. I’ve always wanted a chance to have a big family full of laughter and love. But this is not how a family starts. This is an accident. A mistake."

"Only if you choose to look at it that way. You don’t have to. Also, there is no rule saying that you have to have a child now. Assuming that, you know, the test is positive."

The idea of having an abortion is not exactly appealing to me. I’m all for easy access to abortion and family planning. I feel strongly about it, in fact. But actually having one of my own?

I can’t fathom it.

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