Page 36 of The Caress

I don’t know what to say. WhatcanI say?

Instead, I keep my mouth shut and pull her in for a big hug. "I can’t say what the future holds for me and your dad," I tell her, being as honest as I can while keeping the conversation from swerving too far into personal, adult territory. "But I promise you’ll always be able to talk to me. No matter where you or I happen to be in the world, I’ll always just be a phone call, text message, or video chat away, okay?"

"All right," she says, smiling again.

Lord, I’ve said it before, but this kid is too smart for her own good. And I adore her with every bit of my heart.

My conversation with Isla has been weighing on my mind since this afternoon. I don’t want to bother Keir when he already has so much on his plate, but I feel like he needs to know about some of the questions his daughter is asking.

I’ve been waiting on pins and needles for him to take a break from his meetings. Now he’s finally stepped outside onto the patio with a cup of tea.

This is my chance to talk to him, but the ball of nerves in my stomach is growing larger with each step I take.

Will he be upset?

Will he think I’ve been oversharing details about our relationship with his daughter?

I open the patio door and start talking before I can change my mind. "Keir? Do you have a minute?"

"Always," he smiles, making the ball of nerves grow twice as big. He has no idea. That makes it even harder. "What’s up? Come have a seat. Did you want some tea? I can call for another cup."

"No, thank you," I force a smile of my own and take a deep breath as I sit down at the patio table. "I just want to, um, talk about Isla."

His smile fades. "What about Isla? Is something wrong?"

"No, no," I place a hand on his arm, feeling how tense he’s suddenly become. "She’s perfect. And smart. And growing up so, so quickly." Another deep breath. Then another. "It’s just that I think she sees and hears more than we realize. She was asking about me and you today. Whether we're angry at each other."

"She’s more mature than I give her credit for. Much more mature than I was at that age." A crease appears between his eyebrows as he speaks. "Why would she think we’re upset with each other, though? I’m not upset. Are you?"

"No. That's what I told her. She also stated that she believes I would make an excellent girlfriend for you."

His eyes go wide as he stares down into his teacup. "I see. How did you reply to that?"

He seems to be taking this pretty well, to his credit. Better than I would have imagined. Better than all the worst-case scenarios I’ve been playing and replaying in my head all afternoon.

So that’s a plus, right?

I’m just not sure I can navigate this next part without causing a fight.

"I tried to explain that it’s complicated," I say. "That you’re an important man and there are people who would be unhappy if you and I were in a relationship." I smirk to myself as I remember the conversation and the look on her precious little face. "She said those people should mind their own business."

Keir bursts out laughing. "That’s my girl. Jesus, she’s going to be a handful, isn’t she?"

"She already is," I agree, relieved that we aren't shouting instead. "But my point in bringing this up is that… we need to figure this out. This situation.Us."

He nods, his expression turning serious again. "Yes, we do. But do we have to figure it out tonight? Right now?"

"No, not right this minute. I don’t think either of us is prepared for that conversation right now. But she isn’t going to stop asking questions, Keir. And I don’t want to lie or keep giving evasive answers. At some point soon, we’ll have to decide what we’re going to do. This uncertainty isn’t good for any of us. I think you know that."

Again, he nods and studies his mostly-empty teacup, letting the silence stretch out between us for what feels like an eternity even though it’s probably only been a few seconds.

"I know," he says, finally. His voice is quiet, barely above a whisper. full of emotion when he looks up to meet my gaze again. "And I want to do the right thing, Ella, for both of us. Whatever that happens to be."

He sets the teacup aside and stands up, reaching for my hand and pulling me up with him as well until I’m in his arms. From here, the rest of the world is slowly being drowned out by the sound of his heart beating next to mine. I would happily stay just like this with him until the end of time. If it was just the two of us, if Keir wasn’t a father and a public figure, things would be so much simpler. We’d be together, and we’d be able to tell anyone who didn’t like it to fuck off.

That isn’t the world we live in, though. That won’t ever be our reality. Our reality is this: We have to make the best of our situation. I’m not sure either of us knows what that will look like when it’s all said and done.

But I know what I want. I know what my heart wants.

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