Page 15 of The Caress

"No."

It's not the answer I was hoping for, but it's an answer nonetheless. And I know I told myself I’d go away if she didn’t want to talk, but... I lied.

"Please?" I continue. "I don’t want to argue. I just want to apologize and hopefully do a better job of explaining myself than I did yesterday."

It’s the truth, but I’m not sure if it matters anymore. There’s no doubt in my mind that she really does want to be alone right now. I know it’s my fault.

Surprisingly, she opens the door just enough for me to see her beautiful face. Her eyes are red and puffy. not just because she probably hasn’t been awake for very long. She’s definitely been crying. That’s also my fault.

I need to make things right, but I’m not sure how. It feels like my life has been turned upside down over the past forty-eight hours, but how much has really changed between me and Ella?

"Thank you for opening the door," I begin. "I’m sorry about yesterday. And the day before. I’m sorry about all of it, Ella. I really am."

"I know," she says, nodding. "I believe you."

Okay, maybe this is going better than I thought it would.

"Does that mean you’ve forgiven me?" I ask, pressing my luck. "Can we go back to the way things were before?"

"No."

Okay, maybe it isn’t going that well after all.

"I don’t know if we can ever go back to the way things were," she continues. "I don’t even know if I want to. I appreciate your apology, but I’m more interested in knowing when I can leave."

Ouch.

There isn’t even any anger in her voice. That's how I know she’s serious. I deserve it, of course, but it still stings.

"It doesn’t have to be like this between us," I offer, trying to keep my tone as calm and matter-of-fact as hers. "We don’t have to be at each other’s throats while we’re here. But I’m not going to keep walking on eggshells around you if you’re going to be this cold to me."

I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. It’s impossible to miss the flash of anger in her eyes this time. I can hear it in her voice when she speaks again.

"Let me tell you something," she hisses, jabbing a finger at my chest. "You don’t get to tell me how to act or feel, not after the way you’ve treated me. Not after the way you cut me out of your life and threw me out of your apartment without a second thought. Without even blinking twice."

"I’m sorry." I put my hands up in surrender. "I’ve already apologized for the way I treated you the other night at the apartment, but I’ll apologize again. I’m sorry for that, Ella. I truly am." I shake my head and take a deep breath. It’s too late to pretend I haven’t let my own emotions get the best of me. "I hope you know after all this time that I’d gladly deal with all the criticism and the flack to be in a relationship with you if it was just myself that I had to worry about. But as long as I have custody of Isla, I have to make sure I’m putting her needs ahead of mine."

A wry smile appears on Ella’s lips. "I can’t decide if I should laugh or cry. You realize that now, after it’s all over, this is one of the only times you’ve ever openly admitted we were in a relationship, right?"

The doorbell downstairs rings before I can answer. A large part of me is relieved beyond words.

"That’ll be Saffron and Isla," I say, turning to walk away before she can pin me with any other awkward questions.

I might have been literally saved by the bell this time, but there’s no getting around the fact that she’s right. One of my many failings in our relationship was denying that we were in one at all. But again, I had to think about Isla. I had to do what was best to protect her. That means keeping my family’s name out of the tabloids as much as possible.

Another thing I've mostly failed at, but at least I tried. That has to count for something, right? Isla and Ella will both understand and appreciate what I’ve done someday, right?

A stray thought occurs to me. This would all be easier if I could talk to Ella, really make her understand me. Maybe she wouldn’t fight me so damn much if I could just explain myself better.

Swallowing, I make a promise to myself. I decide that going forward, I should at least attempt to make Ella understand my side of things so that it doesn’t have to be this damnhardto accomplish the simplest tasks.

I hurry down the stairs and through the foyer to open the door, where my daughter is waiting for me with a smile as bright as the Maltese sun.

"We’re here!" she squeals, launching herself into my arms. "Did you miss me?"

"More than you know, sweetheart," I answer, spinning her around and planting a kiss on the top of her head before setting her back down on her feet. "Where’s your Aunt Saffron? Did you leave her on the plane?"

"Right here," my sister says, coming around the corner with three large suitcases in tow. "Can a girl get a hand with all this luggage? Don’t you have a butler or something here with you?"

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