Page 14 of The Caress

I push myself upright in the bed and wince as a jagged jolt of pain shoots through my injured leg.

"You don't need to get up just yet," Keir says as he reaches for my arm. "We still have a few hours until we make it to Malta."

At least that answers one of my questions. I pull away from him and scan the small, narrow room for my clothes. "I’m going back to my seat up front," I say without looking back at him. "As soon as I can find my panties."

I can feel him watching me as I quickly move around the room, scooping up my clothes and scrambling to put them back on again. I don’t want to fight with him anymore, so I’m hoping he’ll let me leave without hassle.

"Are you upset with me again?" he asks. "Did I do something wrong? Because I’m pretty sure we just had a really good time together."

So much for letting me leave without a hassle.

"We did, but…" I turn to face him for the first time and swallow back a wave of emotions that I didn’t expect to feel. Seeing the confusion and irritation on his face only adds to my sadness and regret for the situation.

"But?" he prompts when I go silent.

"But I don’t want to complicate things between us." It’s such an understatement that it would honestly be laughable if I wasn’t so miserable.

"Is it really that complicated, though?" He shrugs, making me want to scream in frustration. "I think we both needed that release, don’t you?"

Ugh, it’s even more frustrating because he’s right. Mostly right, at least.

"Maybe we did," I admit. "But we’re done, Keir. We’ve both agreed that we’re done. So no matter how much I may or may not have needed that release, I can’t keep doing this. I just can’t. As far as I’m concerned, we just had breakup sex."Excellent breakup sex. "But that was all it was.That’s all it can be. There had better be a private room for me when we land in Malta, because breakup sex is a one-time thing. It can’t keep happening."

I expect him to argue, or at least try to change my mind. He doesn’t, though. He simply nods and says, "Okay. I understand."

Irritated, frustrated tears are welling up in my eyes, but I turn away and finish getting dressed before he can see them spill down my cheeks.

He says he understands, but I don’t know if he really does. I don’t know ifIdo, for that matter. All I know is that I have to get better at telling him no. I have to get better at protecting my heart.

I have to get better at being alone.

CHAPTERSIX

KEIR

It’s early in the morning, but the sun is already high in the Maltese sky and blisteringly hot. It always takes my body a few days to acclimate when I travel this far from Scotland, but I have more important things to worry about than a little Mediterranean sweat as I pace back and forth along the short corridor between my room and Ella’s.

I keep trying to talk myself out of knocking on her door, even though I have every right to speak to her. This is my family’s house. She’s still technically on my payroll as Isla’s nanny, though that was supposed to end when I made her leave my apartment in Glasgow.

So why am I hesitating outside her door when I could be in there with her, making things right between us?

Because she already told you she doesn’t want to make things right.

Fuck.

That annoying little voice in my head is seriously getting on my nerves. It’s almost taunting me at this point. Unfortunately, that little voice is also correct.

I know Ella is still hurt and upset. I know she keeps saying she doesn’t want to speak to me. But she also keeps opening up to me and inviting me back into her life, at least with her actions if not necessarily so much with her words.

Well, fuck it.

I’m not going to stand out here in the hallway like a scared idiot all day. I’ll at least knock and see if she’s awake. If she doesn’t want to talk, we won’t talk.

"Ella?" I knock quietly. "Are you awake?"

"Yes." Her voice is soft, and I have to lean in close to hear it. "What do you want?"

"Can we talk?"

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