Page 74 of The Beast

“How many puppies do you think Lady will have? And do you think Daddy will let me keep them? I hope he does…” She pulls a face as she pushes the kitchen door open. “Daddy doesn’t like animals, though.”

“No?”

I follow along, amused that a switch seems to have flipped. Suddenly the sullen child is full of thoughts and ideas and she’s not holding a single one of them inside.

“I’m going to name the puppies,” Isla says. “What do you think I should name them? I’m thinking I should name them after planets. You know, Jupiter, Mars, Saturn…”

“That’s a really cool idea. Where did you get it from?” I hunt for a bowl and fill it with water, then turn to the fridge. Looking around in it, I pull out a turkey leg and spend a minute shredding it into a bowl. I figure it can’t hurt in case the dog wants a little protein instead of the bread that Isla provided.

She follows me around as I work, rattling off facts. “I love to look at the sky at night. Daddy has bought me several books about outer space. They are neat. One has great pictures of the planets and what’s on the inside.”

“Gosh, you’ll have to show me what you mean later.” I hand the bowl full of shredded turkey and follow her as she gets leads me back to Lady. We put the bowls down and I give Lady a reassuring pat. Isla watches me, then copies my gesture exactly.

“She’s so soft!” Isla says. She turns to me with wild eyes and a infectious grin on her face. “Do you think Daddy will let me keep her?”

I avoid the topic by changing the subject entirely. “Let’s go hang out in the hallway. I think I saw you coloring pictures there last week.”

“Yes!” Isla says, unable to contain her glee. “I actually have a new coloring book about space. Let me show you!”

Grabbing me by the arm, she enthusiastically drags me into the hallway. She opens a long wooden storage caddy with every kind of crayon imaginable and so many coloring books it’s almost a little ridiculous.

She chooses one of her space themed coloring books and settles on working on a picture of Jupiter. But when I try to leaf through the books, she slaps my hands away.

“No!” she dictates. “I’ll get you one. They are my coloring books so I get to choose.”

God, has there ever been a moment where she and her father sounded more alike? I purse my lips and let her choose, figuring that this is the very first time that she’s ever been nice to me. Rebuking her for being a holy terror would almost certainly almost blow up in my face.

Besides, it’s not like I’m her actual nanny or anything. She won’t even remember that a former ballerina came to stay for a month or two when she grows up. It’ll all blur together soon enough.

For some reason, that fact makes me sad.

“Here, I want you to do this one.” Isla thrusts a book at me. Not asking, but demanding that I color the page she’s picked out.

I take the book, realizing belatedly that it’s a picture of a ballerina dancing onstage, dressed in what looks like a white swan from Swan Lake. I almost drop the book and have to clutch at it. Swallowing, I can feel my stomach flip flopping.

“What’s wrong?” Isla asks.

I look up and realize that I have been staring at the picture for too long. Giving her a stiff smile, I shake my head.

“Nothing. I was just wondering what color her costume should be.”

Isla squints at the drawing. “Bright pink.”

A rueful smile plays over my lips. I sit down, selecting a bright pink crayon.

“You just have all the answers, don’t you?”

She frowns. “No. But my father told me to make decisions. He said it’s better to make them and have some of them be wrong than to not make them at all.”

“That sounds like something he would say.” I grin. “Your dad is a wise man. But he’s not perfect. And he doesn’t know everything.”

She blows a raspberry. “My Daddy is always right.”

She sounds pretty confident about that. So I let her have it. Again, I’m not her nanny. As my choreographer Bas used to say: not my circus, not my monkeys.

It may be tough to remember, but I’m just here hanging out as a guest.

I release a huge sigh. Isla looks at me, working out some kind of childlike calculus in her head.

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