Page 69 of The Nanny

At least it’ll keep her from thinking about her mom and dad. That’s enough of a win for me.

Keir joins me as Isla wanders off to ask the manager a million questions about stars, planets, the galaxy, the candy at the snack bar—basically anything and everything that pops into her inquisitive little mind.

“The older she gets, the less I can keep up,” Keir murmurs as his hand lightly rubs against the small of my back. “She’s so smart and she has so much energy. I don’t know where she gets it.”

I smile up at him. “Watching her makes me wonder if you and Saffron were the same way when you were kids. It would be really sweet to see some old home movies or something if your parents have any.”

His smile falters, but only for a second, and I make a mental note not to mention his parents—or the rest of his family, for that matter—again tonight. “I’ll have to ask,” he says, his expression smoothing out again after a moment. “I don’t remember being that energetic, but Saffron definitely was. She still is, most days.”

“Yeah, I can picture that. We probably should have invited her to come along tonight, but I honestly didn’t even think about it until just now.”

“Nah,” he makes a dismissive gesture. “She already gets to see the two of you more than I do. Tonight is for the three of us.” That sentence hangs in the air for a few seconds as a sudden, awkward silence stretches out between us.

Tonight is for the three of us.

How am I supposed to keep my knees from going weak when he says things like that? It’s impossible not to let my mind wander and my imagination start to run wild when he practically paints a picture of what life as a couple might be like.

“This has been a pretty rough couple of weeks,” he says, making me wonder if he was somehow listening in on my thoughts. “I’ve been an asshole, and I’m sorry about that.”

Lord, I’m not sure I’m ready to have this conversation right now. Especially not here, with random strangers milling around.

Keir doesn’t seem to mind, though. Or maybe he just doesn’t notice. Aside from tracking Isla as she moves around the room with the manager, he hasn’t taken his eyes off me since we got here.

“It’s okay,” I say, clearing my throat and hoping I don’t sound like an emotional mess all of a sudden. “You’ve had a lot on your mind. A lot going on with work and… and everything else.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” he nods. “But it still doesn’t excuse the way I spoke to you. You’re a good person, Ella, and I want you to know I’ve thought that since the beginning. No matter what else I might have said—or might still say in the future.”

I snort. Leave it to Keir to take a sweet moment and qualify it by saying he’ll probably still be an asshole again sometime soon. At least he’s being honest, though. And neither of us is yelling, so that’s a plus.

“I’m sorry for some of the things I said, too,” I offer, then frown as he starts to laugh quietly. “What? I thought we were having a moment here.”

“We are, I guess,” he grins. “But I just noticed you said you were sorry forsomeof the things you said. I probably shouldn’t ask which ones you aren’t sorry about.”

Okay, the moment has officially been ruined. “No, you probably shouldn’t ask.” I try to keep a stern face but his laugh is contagious. Before long, we’re both cracking up over something that wasn’t all that funny in the first place.

It feels good to laugh, though. Especially after the week we’ve had.

“I still feel the same about the relationship thing, though,” I blurt out, not even realizing what I’m saying until it’s too late. “I mean, you know… just while we’re being open and honest about things.”

God, why did I say that? It’s like I opened my mouth and the stupidity just tumbled out.

Not that I don’t mean what I said. I do still feel like we have different—wildly different, in some cases—ideas of what stability and dependability and safety looks like.

But we were having such a nice time, and now the mood is completely different. And this time, it’s all my fault.

“That’s probably for the best,” he says, his expression completely serious again. “It turns out I’m not as good at relationships as I used to think I was.”

Damn.

My heart.

“Yeah,” I sigh, turning away from him before I start to get emotional. “I guess that makes two of us.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-FOUR

KEIRAN

My stomach clenches as I glance down at the three neat stacks of papers on my desk and then at the check in my hand.

---