Page 73 of Extra Dirty

And we can’t forget Carter’s secret child. And Chase’s mom.

So many secrets.

I always thought he kept them to protect the people he loves. He kept Mia out of Carter’s life, which God knows was a good thing. But how would Carter feel if he found out he has a child? Probably like me. Blindsided.

Theo made all these decisions for us. Without our input. Without our knowledge.

Maybe it’s time I undo them. Maybe it’s time for the truth to come out.

35

GIVE ME SOMETHING BY SEAFRET

Jay

The light of the moon reflects off the screen of my ancient iPhone as I sit in my office, a whiskey glass in one hand and a finger dangling precariously over the Play button on the first of Cat’s thirty-two messages.

Thirty-two.

Huffing out a sigh, I scroll to the last one. The pain in my chest is so acute, I worry I won’t survive this. But I have to know how she sounded when she finally said goodbye. What it took for her to give up.

So, although sliding a knife repeatedly into my heart would be easier than listening to this, I hit Play. I fucking deserve the agony. If she endured what I think she did, I deserve so much worse.

The wails of a baby echo from the phone’s speaker. Then heavy breathing and a desperate sob. “I can’t do this, Jay. I can’t…I’ve tried. I’ve waited. I’ve called. I didn’t want to believe you could walk away like this. That I meant nothing to you. For so long, I’ve held out hope that you’d walk through the door and tell me it was all a misunderstanding. But—” Her voice breaks on another sob, and the baby cries again.

“Shh, it’s okay Chlo, shh.”

I bite my lip so hard I taste blood.

“I can’t do this on my own, Jay,” she says. This time, her voice is clearer, more sure.

And damn it, I can’t help but feel a swell of pride at her change in tone. Our daughter needed her, and she did what she had to do.

I pause the recording, close my eyes, take a deep breath, and then hit Play again.

“I’m giving her up for adoption. It’s what’s best for her. For months, I’ve left you messages. I called you while I was in labor, begged you to come. But it’s time for me to accept that you aren’t interested in being her father. That we don’t matter to you…” Another broken sob escapes her throat, and she sucks in a harsh breath just as I do the same. “I won’t bother you again. I just thought you should know that we’re not your problem anymore.”

The phone goes silent, and I stare at the screen, willing the message to change. Wishing I could jump through time, go back to that moment, and cradle her in my arms. Cradle my daughter in my arms.

She thought I didn’t care.

She thought I got her messages, then chose to ignore her.

She thought Ilet hergive up our daughter.

And it’s all my fault.

The sound of heels clacking on the marble floor startles me. When I sit up straight, Vanessa Simpson, Cash’s date from the ball, is watching me from my office door. I have no fucking idea how she got in. The office has been closed for hours, and the building should be locked up. I came here because I didn’t want to see anyone.

“I don’t know why you’re here, but it’s not a good time,” I grumble, dropping the phone onto the desk and taking a deep breath.

“Oh, you want to make time for me.” She ignores the death stare I’m throwing at her and saunters farther into my office. “Ya know, I really like Cat. It’d be a shame if she got hurt because of what you’ve done.”

A coldness settles over the room, and the sliver of light from the moon highlights the hatred in her eyes.

I grab for the gun I keep stashed in my top drawer.

But just as my palm lands on the grip, Vanessa hisses. “I wouldn’t do that.”

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