Page 50 of Midnight Deception

It’s not going to be easy juggling the two of them. I thought that Joel, Syn, and Scott were a lot to manage, but with these two as well? It’s going to test my patience for sure.

I know it’s only a matter of time before Atlas says something. I’m really not in the mood, but I can feel his hurt, and I wish I had something to say to him that would ease his pain. The only issue is the fact that he doesn’t know what he’s feeling or how to deal with this. He started to listen to the call of our bond, but now that Nicolai is here, it’s caused him to question everything. He feels betrayed by both me and the goddess. That’s only what I’m picking up from his surface thoughts, so I can’t even imagine how turbulent it must be in his mind.

When it finally comes, I almost thought that I was wrong and he was going to keep his thoughts to himself. No such luck.

“He seems keen.”

Releasing a sigh, I pinch the bridge of my nose to gather myself before responding. The possessive, newly bonded part of me wants to lash out at him for even thinking negatively of Nicolai. However, Atlas is also my mate, and I know this is his way of coping.

“Can we please not do this?” I glance over and find him staring straight ahead with his hands in his pockets, looking to all the world like he’s not silently seething. Irritated, I clench and unclench my hands into fists to try to ease some of my frustration. “He’s only here because your queen took him, experimented on him, and changed him. That triggered our bond. I grew up with him, and while I always liked him, we showed no signs of being mates.” I attempt to keep my voice low and even in case anyone is listening. While I can’t see anyone else in the corridor with us, that doesn’t mean no one can hear us.

However, this gets harder to do after the look of disbelief he gives me. Huffing out a breath, I narrow my eyes on him. “I can’t help whom I’m mated to. I didn’t choose this, and I won’t apologise for it.”

If anyone should understand this, it should be him, and frankly, I’ve had enough of his attitude. For a moment I think he’s going to argue with me, but a sullen expression shifts across his face instead. He appears to be considering something, and I wait quietly, knowing there’s no point in trying to force it out of him.

“What about me?”

When he finally speaks, it’s low and full of self-loathing, but nothing about the way he says it is weak. He may hate himself for asking, but he wants, no,needsthe answer. Not understanding, I wait for him to elaborate, only to be met with his expectant expression.

“What about you?” I ask, still none the wiser about what he’s really asking.

A noise of frustration rips from his chest, and he steps out in front of me, grabbing my shoulder and stopping me in my path. “Are you going to claim me?” His demand is paired with a wildness in his eyes that makes me realise how much it’s costing him to ask this.

By asking if I’ll claim him, he’s admitting that he is available to claim, like an item or possession. The question was also said aggressively, hiding his longing and confusion. A part of him, and I don’t know how big that part is, wants to be claimed as my mate, and seeing me with Nicolai and how easily I accepted him is eating away at Atlas.

Why did you bond with him and not me? Am I not good enough for you? Will you ever claim me?

He doesn’t voice the questions aloud, but I can practically read them from his expression. He’s a proud male, so this must be burning him up that he’s having to ask, but it also tells me a lot. His pride is also wounded from the fact that I chose Nicolai over him. Of course, that’s not the case at all, but even so, that’s how he’s interpreting it. Initially, I might have assumed this was just a case of his ego being bruised. However, now I know better. Whether he’ll admit it or not, he wants me, wants to belong to me in only the way a mate can. Sharing me with the others, though, is a different matter altogether.

Turning my head to look at the hand resting on my shoulder, I slowly follow it up to Atlas who’s still waiting for my response. His grip isn’t hard, and I could easily pull away from it if I wanted to. It’s his expression that keeps me where I am though, breaking through my irritation.

I’m torn and unsure how to answer him. He seems to flip from wanting to be with me but not bonded, to being furious with me and not wanting to bond, and now, apparently, hedoeswant to bond. It’s vexing, to say the least, and I know he’s just as confused from the twisted emotions I feel through our half-formed connection.

Biting back my frustration, I let out a slow breath.

“Do you want me to?” The bemusement in my question shows just how confused I am about where he stands on all of this. It’s pretty clear that his question took me by surprise, bringing up something that I hadn’t thought was as much of an issue as it apparently is. He hadn’t been desperate to complete the bond until I’d done so with Nicolai.

His brow furrows like I’ve asked a complicated question and he’s struggling to find the answer. “I—” He stops, stumbling and huffing out a quiet noise of irritation. “We’re supposed to be together. The goddess proclaimed it.”

He speaks with surety, believing what he’s saying while also avoiding the question. His body language gives away his discomfort, though, as he releases my shoulder and rubs the back of his neck.

“That’s not an answer,” I point out.

In a way, though, I guess it is. He told me how he feels about bonding, even if he didn’t mean to. I don’t want to be with someone who’s just tying himself to me because the goddess told him to. He’s not ready. He might have thought he was, until Nicolai’s arrival told him otherwise.

“If it wasn’t for the goddess and the bond, would you want to be with me?”

The flicker in his eyes tells me what I need to know, and although I expected him to say no, seeing it for myself is like a dagger to the heart. My breath catches in my chest, the bond crying out and awakening the darkness inside me. Squeezing my eyes shut, I focus on calming down the presence so she won’t try to take control and tear him apart for the insult. When I open my eyes, I find him staring at me in confusion, his hand pressed against his chest, obviously feeling an echo of what this conversation is doing to me.

Our eyes meet, and he grits his teeth, jerking around and stalking down the corridor without a word.Goddess, give me strength, I think with a sigh as I rub my temples. It looks like it’s going to be one of those days. I’m definitely going to be getting a headache today.

Seeing that Atlas is already almost at the end of the corridor, I push aside my convoluted feelings and begin walking once more, lengthening my strides to catch up to him. When he reaches a split in the corridor, he takes the one to the right. With the amount of time I’ve spent walking about these hallways, you would have thought that I’d know my way around, or at least parts of it. However, I currently have no idea where we are in the building, having completely lost my bearings.

My thoughts wander as we walk, and it’s not long before they slip to Atlas’s cousin. It’s strange not to have seen her for so long. She’s been a constant since I arrived here. Guilt fills me as I realise I’ve barely thought of her since the moment my eyes locked on Nicolai.

“Have you seen Luna today?” I ask, glancing over at Atlas. If anyone would know, it would be him. “Is she okay?”

“Yeah.” Snorting, he shakes his head, keeping his gaze straight ahead. “She knows better than to push the queen.”

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