Page 46 of Home Wrecker

Talk about bad timing. She’s going to think you’re using your feelings against her.

Her lips form a little “O”. “No, just unexpected.”

“You don’t have to say it back. I wanted to try it on for size.”

“Does it fit?”

“Perfectly.” I smile and her wide grin bursts my heart. “You may not be the only person I say it to.”

Her happy expression falters.

I lean in, kissing her cheek. “That kid of yours. I need to be the kind of guy who can show him it’s not weird to say it aloud before he’s too grown up to hear it. I want to be around, Hol, for you and Bhodi to count on. He deserves more than what I got.”

A tear spills from her eye, trailing down Holly’s cheek.

“That bad you’ll risk ruining your makeup?” I joke.

“That good.” She reaches, running her fingers through the short hair at the nape of my neck, fusing our mouths together.

“I’m in this, Holly. Seriously, I won’t treat you like William did. I won’t let anyone do to Bhodi what was done to me. You don’t have to worry I’ll throw you away and you don’t have to say—”

I tell her that all I need is a little more time. Other people finding out about Davina’s affair shouldn’t include banners like a Presidents’ Day sale.

Her index finger presses against my lips, taking me by surprise. “Shut up. All your white knight professions are ruining my opportunity to say, ‘I love you too’.”

My surprise turns to shock. I thought Holly was solid as a rock, smarter than to give herself to me freely. Intelligent enough to walk away so she could protect her child from a monster when I revealed my pain. But she’s here, teary-eyed, with a wide smile that fills every hollow spot inside me.

“Although my love comes with a string attached, Cary. You say you don’t want Rex to reach beyond the grave, yet you’re giving him control over your anger. I won’t allow my son to see you treat Davina the way you have this evening. You need to apologize to your mom.”

“I’ll do it.” My words rush.

“Stop.” She catches my arm as I stand. “You don’t understand. It’s not me or Bhodi you are doing this for… It’s you. You can’t say we’re your priority unless you make yourself one first.”

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21

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I won’t tell Cary he’s wrong. Loving someone isn’t a choice. If it was, we’d have been doomed from the start because otherwise there is no way I would have let my guard down and the spark between us ignite.

If I’ve learned anything from my mistakes, it is: hearts are foolish. They want what they want and controlling emotions is far easier said than done.

My mom, dad, and Laurel would agree, I was a hot mess working through the aftermath of William. If there was the ability not to love Bhodi seeing how a part of him is William’s I might have taken the coward’s way out of motherhood.

Love doesn’t work like that. Honestly, the only worse emotion is grief since in some regards you can beat hate with logic.

There’s not a damn thing logical about falling in love with Cary. Falling out of love with him when I’m up to my elbows in how deeply he cares for us is a huge reality. Staying in a relationship with him until our time is up? That’s absolutely a choice I’m making to be his now, knowing he’s not mine forever. All I can do is savor the moment, even if a hidden spot inside of me wants a different outcome. It’s the same secret place that wishes I’d met Cary when I was younger and that he was older or that wonders if I was born too soon. When Cary isn’t next to me and my mind wanders, it is to all the things I can’t change about the situation I’m in with this wonderful man.

I’d have never imagined the pain Cary hid. The utter devastation on his face when he confessed—as if this man was worried I’d think less of him for situations his father led him blindfolded into as a child—was terrifying. I hadn’t feared he’d hurt my son, but if he’d ever done anything in the past to himself out of fear and self-loathing. I also worried he’d turn the small space I put between us into a cavern we couldn’t bridge and each one of us would wind up on the losing end when this trip started out as Cary trying to save the day.

We lie on our backs in the trunk of the SUV, holding hands, and slipping in and out of discussing the pain Rex put him through. Each time Cary opens the door more to what a life of privilege had actually been like for him.

I realize he felt he was a disgrace long before Davina released his parentage. Whether the insight makes it easier for him to come to grips with and move on from, I’m not as certain. Unlike the man I’ve fallen in love with, I have a decade of experience on Cary to have bested my demons. There are milestones, but no standard roadmap for recovery.

He’s within his right to ask for my silence. Cary doesn’t want his life defined as the bastard who broke up what Rex led others to believe was a happy marriage. I understand that level of misery. William’s wife was quick to cast me as the home wrecker. As if my actions were intentional, though I was as in the dark about William’s cheating as she was.

We continue whispering as the moon rises and the stars come out. I have enough trust in those I surround myself with that I’m not scared Cary will turn into the monster his father was. I’m also positive Laurel safely tucked my son into bed.

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