Page 95 of The Payback

“Absolutely not. I wanted her from the moment I found out I was pregnant. Okay, that’s a lie,” she says with a laugh, but I fail to find anything funny about that statement. “I wanted her as soon as I picked my jaw up off the floor and stopped panicking.”

A deep breath escapes my lips, the quiver of my bottom one betraying the emotion I’m trying to keep locked up. “And she’s mine?”

Ellie’s face changes from one of concern to one of fierce protective instinct. “No. She ismine.”

“I know,” I answer. “I only meant...”

“I know what you meant, but the answer is no, Nik. While you are in this life, part of the Bratva, there is not one shred of you present in her. I will die before I let her get dragged into this. And as her biological father, you should agree.”

She’s right. Of course, she is. Being born into a Bratva family ensures you follow this life for the rest of your days. After everything I’ve seen done in the brotherhood’s name, I don’t want that for her. A strange feeling effuses my chest, making me feel joyful and panicked, unsure and yet more confident than ever.

I clutch at my chest, trying to find where this feeling comes from, but it’s useless.

“I don’t deserve it, not after everything, but can I ask you some questions?”

Ellie eyes me warily but nods. “I can’t promise to answer everything, but I can give you something.”

“What’s her name?”

She smiles. “Bellatrix, but I call her Bella.”

“Bellatrix,” I repeat, awe and wonder in my tone. “Is it a family name?”

She chuckles. “No. But back in my school days, this cat hung around the student yard—”

“You named our daughter after a cat?”

“Hey! You weren’t there!” she counters. “And her hair was dark like the cat’s fur, but her eyes, Nik. They were so assessing of everything she saw. She studied my face, taking in every detail. Which I know doesn’t make sense since their vision sucks at first. Anyway, I’d never felt so seen before. So right. It seemed to suit her, so I went with my gut.”

I wish I’d been there. To witness the birth of my child, the miracle of her existence, and watching her discover the world for the very first time... these are experiences I will never get another chance at. And I need to make my peace with that. My actions caused me to miss out on the start of her life, but I’ll be damned if I’m not at least there for her in some way.

My mind is whirling about how to best care for her and Ellie when the woman in question snaps her fingers in my face. “You good in there?”

I refocus on her and smile. “Yeah, I’m good. Could I maybe see her?” Ellie starts to argue, but I hold my hand up. “I meant a picture. I understand your boundaries and that I am not a part of her life. It is your right to decide that as her parent. I haven’t earned the right yet.”

She eyes me like I’m messing with her, but truer words have never left my lips. “Maybe. Are you sure you’re okay? You’re still pale and shaky.”

Chuckling, I run my hands through my hair, trying to at least put something back to rights. “It took me a second to wrap my head around it, but I’m perfect. Where is she now?”

Ellie shakes her head. “No way am I telling you that.”

I nod. “Okay, fair. But just tell me she’s safe. That she’s being taken care of while you’re here. Who’s looking after her?”

“Funny you should ask,” she says, chuckling. “You know that diamond you stole?”

I wince and bob my head.

“Well, the people who got it back are protecting her while I’m here.”

Got—Wait a fucking second.

“What do you mean,got it back?!” I ask, my voice rising with every word. “That diamond and the information on it is the only thing keeping Natasha in power.”

Ellie winces. “Sometimes, I forget you’re not up to date.”

“Christ Almighty,” I say, putting the sign of the cross on my body. “So how...? Oh, fuck. She’s holding onto power with the threat of the information, isn’t she?”

Ellie shrugs. “That’s not my assignment anymore, so I don’t know the details. But the diamond is back where it belongs.”

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