Page 84 of The Payback

His voice is low as he answers, “I’m doing this for selfish reasons.”

I tilt my head to the side, waiting for him to explain.

“This role never sat well with me. I’m too emotional.”

That doesn’t sound like the Dimitri I’ve come to know. I raise my eyebrows. “Emotional?”

He chuckles darkly, like it’s a secret he refuses to share. “I hide it well, do I not? And as cocky as it sounds, I deserve better. I deserve a choice. Perhaps the most perplexing thing of all is you.Youdeserve better, Eleanor.” He leans closer, tracing my jaw with his thumb. “And I can’t let you go—not even when this is over. You invade every thought. Every decision. Every waking moment, I’m haunted by you. I lie beside you at night, keeping my distance because I feel your fear, but my soul yearns to twine with yours. To cleave my way in and stitch myself inside so you can never be free of me the way I can never be free of you.”

His icy eyes hold mine captive; the burning twin flames of his passion are captivating. He’s rarely slept in our bed since Alexei, but sometimes, I wake in the middle of the night and smell his cologne, as if he was near for a second before leaving me again. I thought I’d dreamt it, but maybe he’s been as helpless to stay away as I’ve felt.

I feel myself leaning in, caught up in the moment and his words. It’s not logical. It’s downright dangerous. But I’m ensnared—caught on the lure like a fish on a line. There is no walking away from this.

This damaged and broken man doesn’t wish to hurt anyone but will hurt hundreds to ensure the safety of thousands.

Nik groans from the floor as he wakes up, breaking the moment between us. Dimitri closes his eyes, removes his hand from my face, and returns to his sandwich.

When Nik sits up and sees us eating our sandwiches, he rolls his eyes.

“Good morning, Nikita. Nice of you to rejoin us,” Dimitri says with a smirk, all traces of our conversation wiped away.

“Good moves, old man.”

“You’re older than me,” Dimitri says like it’s not the first time Nik has needed reminding.

“Only in age.”

I laugh and a bit of sandwich escapes my mouth. Horrified, I look down, then back up, finding both men eyeing me. Heat suffuses my cheeks, and I wipe the evidence off the countertop with a shrug. Sometimes I spit or trip or, God forbid, fart. If they can’t handle that, this is doomed from the start. Flowery words mean nothing if there is no acceptance of someone’s complete self.

The way I’m learning to accept Dimitri for his complete self.

“I’ll be upstairs. Enjoy your sandwiches,” Nik says, shoving off the floor and heading out of the kitchen.

“Is he okay?” I ask.

Dimitri shrugs. “Probably.”

In silence, I polish off my food a few minutes later and head upstairs to find Nik. He took care of me after I took a bullet to the arm. The least I can do is check on him. Passing out isn’t fun to wake up from. The disorientation is unsettling, and the hold Dimitri had him in had to be painful.

I pause on the landing, and Nik’s door is cracked. A discarded piece of fabric is stuck near the jamb, stopping it from closing completely. Leaning close to the crack, I listen in.

There’s silence, a whistle of something cutting through the air, and a thud. A hiss comes right after. The sounds repeat in the same order—silence, whistle, thud, hiss.

Silence, whistle, thud, hiss.

Silence, whistle, thud, hiss.

A grunt of pain escapes the next one, and I shove the door open. If Nik’s shoulder is dislocated, he might need help resetting it.

But when I open the door, this time, the hiss comes from me.

CHAPTERTHIRTY-TWO

Nikita

Dimitri confessinghis feelings to Ellie was unsettling, to say the least. But it was expected, if I’m honest. He follows her movements with his eyes, constantly checks his phone for her location if Igor is driving her around, and the subtle shifting of his body towards her is becoming more apparent.

I lay there on the kitchen floor, not moving while he got shit off his chest. And each confession was like a stab wound to my heart, the fragile organ taking hit after hit.

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