Page 85 of Tricky Business

Tomorrow, I’m getting up, and I’m going to make some decisions about this job problem. I loved what I was doing at Aspire, but I can’t do it there anymore. That leaves me with finding a new place that will give me as much freedom as Aspire did.

Until I can find that, I’m going back to ChitChat with more experience and more enthusiasm. I know how we did things at Aspire, and even though I brought a thousand new ideas to them, the quality that they demanded of everything has rubbed off on me. I’m done with lazy videos with minimal editing.

It’s time for me to level-up my life.

But before I can do that, I need to feel my entire world shatter.

I didn’t want Em to walk out the door. He is my happiness. He’s the sun when the clouds have passed, and I was willing to be strong for him. I was willing to be the tower standing against the storm.

Until I realized the storm wouldn’t ever end.

I felt the same way once upon a time. I stood in the wings of a stage at a beauty pageant with my mom at my side. I remember that red dress so well that I dream about it sometimes.

“Remember to smile at the middle judge, Maddie. Look directly at him. He’s the one you’ve got to impress. If you convince him you’re the prettiest girl here, then you’ll win, and we’ll have another trophy for your case.”

I remember wanting to break that damn case. I remember wanting to cry. I could have been at a book signing. I could have been lost inside a world where I could fall in love instead of convincing old men that I was prettier than another girl.

I just smiled, though. Hide the pain inside. Don’t be the girl with wild hair. Don’t be the girl who reads books. Be the one who wants men to think they’re pretty. The one with the pretty voice answering questions with answers they want to hear, not the truth. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Because the pretty girl won.

And winning was all that mattered. Not being happy or being yourself. Only winning.

I walked out onto the stage, and I showed them the act. I showed them the girl they wanted instead of me. I covered up the tears with a smile. I ignored the anger and became the girl they wanted.

“Hi Maddie,” the middle judge said. “Can you tell us why you enjoy beauty pageants?”

I hate them. They’re the worst part of my life, and if I could, I’d never wear another stupid dress.

“Oh, I love pageants because I’ve met so many wonderful people traveling. The other girls, the coaches, and more than anything, getting to spend so much time with my mom.”

That middle judge smiled at my perfect answer, one I’d answered dozens of times with the same answer. He shifted his glasses as he looked down at his paper.

“That’s great. Now, can you tell us who your role model is?”

Tyra Simone. The author of the Tangled Web Chronicles. She creates the best worlds, and I’m in love with every one of her characters.

“A role model is someone who you can relate to, someone who went through the same things as you have, and succeeded where others failed. I know I look up to a lot of important women, but the person I look to most is my mom. She started her own business at eighteen, and it’s still very successful. Somehow, she still makes time to help me follow my passion for beauty pageants. She’s exactly what I want to be like when I grow up.”

He smiled again, this time to the other judges. I’d always been good at interviews. Then he asked a question I’ve never heard before.

“One last question. What’s your favorite book?”

And I stopped. My body froze because I didn't know what to say. I didn’t know how to answer that.

Tyra Simone was my favorite author, but that’s not what they want to hear. They don’t want me. They want the smile. They want the lies.

“I…”

I knew I needed to say something. Anything. I could have talked about The Tangled Web Chronicles for hours, but for some reason, I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t give them that.

It was mine. Books were mine. I couldn’t let this place corrupt them. I couldn’t let it turn something I loved into a terrible thing.

“I don’t like books.”

All three judges frowned, and I didn't even bother smiling as I turned around and walked away from the microphone.

My entire body was shaking when I stepped into the wings, and my mom was staring at me. I knew she’d be mad because that should have been the perfect question for me. But there was something else in her eyes.

I walked straight to her, and she said, “Why?”

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