Page 2 of Broken

“I’m sorry.” I whisper the words, but I’m not sure what I’m apologizing for. For not being man enough to tell Marcus that I’m in love with Eli? For forcing him to stay in the closet because my future as a football player depends on it? For needing every second of him I can get?

His lips brush mine softly, and one of his hands threads our fingers together.

I open my eyes and see him smiling up at me, the light sparkling in his bright blue eyes. He must think I’m apologizing for almost getting us caught. In moments like this, I don’t want to go back to school. I fucking love playing football, but I love this stolen time I have with Eli too.

I kiss his lips again and step back, letting our fingers linger for a second longer.

“I’ll see you later?” The hopeful expression on his face almost breaks me.

“Yeah.” I nod and watch him get into the car and pull away. I suck in a deep breath and turn to find Marcus staring at me with fury in his eyes.

“What the fuck?” His words are cold, quiet, and calm. Fuck.

“Marcus,” I start, stepping toward him, needing him to understand but not having the words to explain it.

“Don’t you dare!” he roars, stomping away from me back toward the cliff edge. “I trusted you! Eli trusted you! You lied to me!” He whirls around on me, eyes wide and face flushed with anger and hurt. “You’re fucking my little brother!”

“No, I’m not!” I shout back, determined for him to not hate me. “I’ve kissed him but never anything else. I love him.”And I’m not trying to go to jail.

“Since when? Huh? When did you decide you liked dick? Or is it just Eli and not any other dude? Whymybrother?” he demands, pacing like a caged animal.

“I’m bi. I’ve known for years, but I didn’t think it would matter to you, so I never said anything.” Helpless. This is what it feels like to be helpless. It’s the worst feeling in the world. Knowing someone you love is suffering and can do nothing about it. Like watching my mother die of cancer and my father lose his mind right along with her.

“I kissed him on New Year’s. It was supposed to be a one-time thing. He was upset he didn’t have anyone to kiss.” I shake my head, realizing how fucking stupid it sounds now. “I don’t know what to say. I just want to be with him.”

Marcus stops pacing. “You’re playing football! You’re condemning him to a life in the fucking closet!”

“You don’t know that, man! Times are changing. Being anything other than straight is more accepted.” I shrug lamely. I desperately want it to be true.

The only sound is the occasional car passing on the road. I swear I stop breathing as I wait for Marcus to say something.

“How many times have you heard homosexual slurs in the locker room?” Marcus gets in my face and demands an answer. The fucked-up part? He’s right. Slurs are thrown around all the fucking time. Toxic masculinity runs rampant through sports. Even today there’s only one out player in the league.

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes. There are no walls up; every emotion fighting through my body is written on my face, and I know he can read them. He’s known me long enough to see each and every one.

Finally, I lift my hands and drop them back down to my sides. It’s all I can do. My heart is breaking, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Being with me will force Eli to hide who he really is, and I don’t want that life for him. He deserves so much more than that. The confusion on Marcus’s face morphs into rage, and he rushes me. I don’t try to stop it since I deserve to get my ass kicked. He deserves to get a few good punches in to defend Eli.

He tackles me, and we hit the ground, rolling around in the dirt as he swings at me. I don’t fight him at first, letting him land a few hits before I start blocking them, but I never return them.

“Then stay!” he screams in my face. “Fight for him!”

I can’t. How can he not see that I can’t?

I have to walk away from both of them, not because I want to, but because Ihaveto. There’s no life for me here. My only way out is football. I was suffocating here. Watching my father work himself to death just so he doesn’t have to look at me. So he doesn’t have to come home where memories of my mother still linger. I’m in love with a boy I can’t have, and it’s killing me.

“I’m sorry.” The words rip from my face as we roll again, and I manage to get to my feet.

Marcus jumps up and rushes for me again but slips. In slow motion but the blink of an eye, Marcus hits his head on a rock and falls over the edge of the cliff.

Like a horror movie, I watch but can’t move, can’t stop him.

I scramble to the edge and watch his lifeless body hit the water between the boulders jutting up from the lake bed. It’s why we run and jump, to get away from the rocks.

My heart is in my throat and panic makes my body tremble as I stumble to my feet, then run toward the edge. I have to save him.

I hit the water and immediately kick toward the surface. Once I break through, I reorient myself and swim as hard as I can toward the rocks.

Hurry.

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