Page 53 of Curvy Love

My wardrobe isn’t much better. Mostly t-shirts and either yoga pants or jeans. Whatever, the point is, I am not really equipped to go to a bachelor auction. Frankly, I’m not even sure what that is, if I’m honest.

“What exactly is this auction?” I ask, still staring at my phone.

She rolls her eyes, then proceeds to explain it to me like I’m an idiot. But I’m fairly certain the average person doesn’t attend charity auctions to bid on celebrities to go on dates with them.

The City of Austin has a slogan: Keep Austin Weird. It fits.

With all our food trucks and local art scene and hippy-vibe, Austin is definitely weird. Still, I can’t help but think this whole mess is about to make a lot weirder.

I pull out my phone and send something to the group chat between me and my two sisters.

ME: Remind me why I do this stupid job.

PAISLEY: I have no clue. There is not enough money in the world for me to put up with that woman.

ME: Easy for you to say, you married a billionaire!

LAUREL: You do it to fund your dream and your dream is important.

PAISLEY: A dream my billionaire husband offered to fund!

ME: I’m not having that discussion again.

LAUREL: What’s the she-wolf doing today?

ME: Have you read the latest gossip about her? No, you haven’t because no one else cares about it but her.

ME: She’s having a tantrum because some site accused her of setting a thirst trap for a soccer player. IDK. The point is that it now affects me because she’s making me go to some stupid bachelor auction and bid on him to win a date.

ME: I will say this, the gossip at least explains why she “borrowed” one of my churros yesterday.

LAUREL: OMG! Did she actually eat one of Alex’s churros?

ME: No, of course not. She just held it. Like it was a cigar. It was weird and unnatural and you could totally tell she doesn’t know how to eat food.

PAISLEY: I would rather have an ass the size of Texas than never know the deliciousness that is the cinnamony-sugar goodness of a churro.

LAUREL: Amen.

chaptertwenty

From the websiteGossipLane.com

Longtime readers of this site know how much I enjoy small sips of gossip, but you also know how much I love a full mug of it! Today, the gossip fairies have gifted us a double-shot grande latte of gossip.

Super model Sabrina Wilde (@theRealSabrinaWilde) has spent the past week laying out the most delicious thirst trap for soccer player and Scottish hottie, AbbotR James (@theBeastofEdinburgh).

For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a Thirst Trap is an enticing social media post designed to lure in the intended audience. Sabrina Wilde, despite her age, is excellent at playing with this modern form of flirting.

If you don’t know who Abbott James is … well, you really need to start following football--excuse me, that’s soccer to you uncivilized Americans—because football is where all the hottest hotties play. The Scottish baller recently relocated to Austin, TX, to play for the Austin Bats. Which just happens to be the home of Sabrina Wilde.

On Monday, Sabrina casually liked a few of his Instagram posts, specifically the ones about him landing in Austin, being eager to learn more about the city, and enjoying a local taco truck, Guac-n-Roll (@guac-n-roll-tacos). Is the Beast of Edinburgh being coy or does he really like Tex Mex?

Twenty-four hours later, Sabrina posted a pic of herself in lingerie. True, Sabrina often posts this kind of thing. But this post showed her nibbling on a churro from none other than Guac-n-Roll.

An hour after that, she followed Abbott James on Instagram.

Thirst Trap officially laid.

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