Whatever he saw in her face, his big body came to a stillness. It was like a predator slowing down, all the tense muscles and tendons coming to a standstill. Anxiety rippled through Anya’s belly as if there was a swarm of stampeding elephants in there instead of the usual butterflies. Her hand instantly went to her slightly rounded belly, as if to soothe the baby from her swirling thoughts.
Simon’s gaze followed her hand and the frown on his face broke into such an anguished expression that Anya felt it like a lash against her skin. “You’re pregnant. That’s why you’ve been hiding from me.”
Her knees shook under her.
A curse flew from his mouth, filling the air between them. His big body settled into her chair, his face buried in his hands. “There’s no rhyme or reason to what the universe does, is there? It’s all chaos. And yet you try to make it make sense to you with all those apps and...”
“Simon?” Anya said, a thread of fear winding around her heart.
“The number of years that Rani wanted to have a child, the things she put her body through...”
Anya felt as if she’d been slapped right across her face. “I’m sorry you feel that way. That this opens up your wounds all over again.”
He looked up then, as if her apology had ripped him from the past he’d been stuck in. He paled, regret etched into his every feature. “Hell, Anya, I didn’t mean for that to sound as harsh and insensitive as it did. I just meant that it’s quite a shock.”
Anya wanted to move closer, she wanted to wrap herself around him, until his shock subsided. She did nothing of the sort. “I know.”
“All those years, all those tests, Rani told me she thought it was something to do with her body but we were both tested and the problem was never conclusive. I didn’t... I never realized I could still father a child. You’ve had weeks to come to terms with it. I’ve only had a few seconds.”
He was right. And she had expected he’d be shocked. Hands wrapped around her midriff, Anya nodded.
“Did you know before we left for Seychelles?”
“I didn’t. But I was...definitely not myself that day. Every small thing was getting to me. I thought it was anemia or dehydration or the effects of the change in my medication. I didn’t realize until a couple of weeks ago. My periods have always been incredibly irregular.”
Hurt pinched his features. “And you waited all this time? You told your brothers and you didn’t tell me?” His voice almost broke on the last word and Anya couldn’t stay away from him anymore.
She went to her knees between his legs, her fingers catching hold of his hands. “Simon, I’d never do that. They just...figured it out. I didn’t want to tell you in a text. Can you imagine for a moment how I felt? You’ve made it so clear since we met that you never wanted to do this again. That you were done with marriage and babies and love. I just... I needed time to brace myself before I saw you. I want you to know that this is welcome news for me even if it isn’t for you.”
He still didn’t look at her and Anya thought this might be the cruelest he’d ever been to her. Questions and thoughts came to her lips and swung away, so many of them that it was impossible to pin one down. But before she could make up her mind, Simon was lifting her and planting her ass on the edge of the bed and then moving away.
Hands clasped in her lap, Anya watched as he paced the confines of the bedroom, agitation written into every line of his body. Time ticked slowly in seconds...but her heart was doing its own thing. Finally he came to his knees in front of her, mirroring her very pose of a few minutes ago.
The look in his eyes made her insides ache even though she wasn’t sure what it was. So Anya went on the defensive. “Before you ask, yes, I’m definitely going to have the baby.”
“Okay.”
“And I’m not going to hide it from anyone—not the industry, not the media, not Meera. I’m not going to treat my pregnancy or my child as if it was some kind of bizarre mistake or sordid secret. I want this baby. Very much so.”
“Okay.”
“And I need your help in figuring out how we’re...going to break the news to Meera that we won’t be getting married. I mean, I understand that it might...make her feel insecure after everything she’s been through, but I can’t marry you. Not even to give this baby legitimacy.”
“Okay,” he agreed readily.
Perversely, his not insisting that they should marry made her want to cry. God, she was a contrary mess right now.
“So I guess your proposal is finally off the table then?” he asked with such mock seriousness that Anya wanted to kick him in that hard stomach.
“Yes.”
“Other than those important announcements you just gave like a bloody queen, you’re good? Your anxiety, your...tiredness?”
“Yes. I don’t have nausea, or morning sickness or anything. My doctor already put me on the lowest dosage of anxiety medication for a while now and she said it won’t cause any harm to the baby. I’m perfectly healthy—mostly hungry and horny, actually. Like all the time.”
His mouth twitched and Anya felt as if she’d won a grand prize. One blunt-nailed finger traced her knuckles, up and down, side to side. A great, shuddering sigh left him. “I’ve dug us an even bigger pit to crawl out of, haven’t I?”
“Well, it took two of us and a wall to make this baby, so it’s a bit arrogant to think it’s all on you.”