Page 63 of Midnight Surrender to the Spaniard

‘So, you and Willow’s father weren’t a one-night stand?’

‘No.’

She had only ever told Emily the truth, and even then it had been a crisp version, leaving out all the feelings.

She tried to do the same now. ‘He was a visiting professor when I was at university.’

‘Tut-tut,’ he said. ‘He should have known better.’

‘Iwastwenty-one.’

‘He should still have known better!’ he said.

And she stared back and knew then that there would be no ‘crisp’ versions when she was with Sebastián. His black eyes gave her permission to speak, to search herself, to be honest with herself.

‘I was so naïve... I thought he was...’ She frowned, because how she’d felt then was so pale in comparison to what she was experiencing now. ‘I thought he was fascinating. But I was just...’

‘What?’

‘I’d never had a boyfriend before.’

‘He was hardly a boy,’ he sneered.

She knew his displeasure was not aimed at her, and she knew something else too: that he was on her side in this conversation. It was an unfamiliar feeling, after so many arguments and accusations, to know that she didn’t have to speak defensively.

She didn’t quite know how to tell him the full story, though.

‘He was so angry when he found out I was pregnant...’ She shook her head, not wanting to go on.

‘How angry?’

‘Just shouting...’

Anna opened her mouth to speak and then closed it, then opened it again. He watched her silently floundering and knew how hard it was for her to confide in him.

He could also guess what might be eating her up.

Maybe if he told her his truth, then she might open up? Anna had done it for Carmen—had given a piece of herself in order to learn more.

‘Anna, did he use protection?’

‘No.’

‘So what right did he have to be angry? I’ve never wanted children, and I’m always careful, but even when Ella told me she was pregnant I never got angry.’

‘Were you upset?’

‘Maybe inwardly,’ he admitted. ‘But I didn’t show it. I figured she was already upset enough.’

‘But wereyou?’

‘I’m very careful not to have unprotected sex, but when she showed me the ultrasound image I wasn’t angry or shouting. Babies happen. You deal with it.’

Anna found she was holding her breath—perhaps because she was recalling Willow’s father’s reaction.

‘I didn’t love her, but I wanted to be a better parent than mine had been.’ he said, as if trying to explain his thought-process. ‘I didn’t want to be absent, like Maria, even though I know I can be cold and selfish like her.’

‘No.’ Anna shook her head, adamant, for she knew he was involved with his family, there for his family.

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