Page 57 of The Lost Melody

“He’s a fuck nut,” I excuse with a shrug. “I just need to let Greg know so he can move up the timeline to pick him up.”

“It really doesn’t bother you that he’s just abandoning you?” he asks carefully.

“I’ve always been a tool,” I explain. “I’m a shovel, a well-honed exterminator. I don’t think my father has had father-like feelings for me in a long time. My mom passed away when I was really young, and my dad couldn’t get past it. So instead, I became his weapon.”

Roark looks at me for a long moment. “You know you’re a lot more than just a weapon to point at someone, yeah?”

I blink, because I don’t think anyone has asked me that before. “I… I’m getting there, I think,” I mutter instead, and he nods, stepping out of the doorway so I can get by.

I’m not great at this feeling thing… but I appreciate everyone going out of their way to try to understand me anyway.

Lennon

I’m sore after my sparring session, but it’s the good kind. It’s because I’m using muscles I don’t typically use to learn how to fight my attackers.

It’s possible we’re going overboard, but with so many unhinged people trying to get their hands on me again, I doubt it.

It’s uncomfortable going to the bathroom with stitches, a reminder of what happened, but today I found a squeeze water bottle on the counter. I have no idea who left it, but honestly it’s made it easier to not have to deal with toilet paper and that sting.

My life is upended, and I’m trying to take things day by day. It’s been three days since Greg and the guys found me at the hospital, and so much has already happened.

Angela, the girl who was sparring with me, leaves me on the porch with instructions to stretch before going inside. I’m happy for the quiet, though I know someone will come looking for me soon. I just need a second to think and process what’s going to happen in two days.

Greg is insistent on making sure I’m in top form, and as healed as possible. I shudder as I stretch, thinking about how I was going through drug withdrawals and infection such a short time ago. My mind spins, thinking about how much worse this all could have been.

Xav and Grant wouldn’t give two shits about how those men ripped me apart. I could have died in that cell, and they would have been pissed their investment had died.

“You need help there?” Greg asks, and I shake my head. My head is buried in my ankle as tears start to spill.

I’m so tired of feeling helpless. I keep waiting for my tears to dry, but then I worry I may never cry again.

Damn, I don’t make sense even in my own head anymore.

“Lennon?” Greg says, and I turn my head towards him. “What’s going on?”

“Thinking too hard,” I tell him, sitting up and wiping the tears off my cheeks. “I’m good though.”

He frowns, squatting next to me. “Don’t lie to us, okay? I’m not the best at emotional shit, but you’re not fooling anyone. I wouldn’t expect anyone to be ‘okay’ after all of this. I may not be the best person to talk to about this, but I have a short list of people who may be. Want to take a peek and see?”

I chew my lip, because finding someone to talk to sounds exhausting. “I can look,” I offer, though I only half mean it.

“Okay,” is all he says with a small smile, standing to walk back inside.

Fuck, when am I ever going to feel normal again?

14

LENNON

Taking a deep breath, I get out of the car. The last two days have flown by in preparation for this moment.

I drove forty-five minutes away from the safe house, with Orion tailing me a few car lengths away. Derek, Greg and his crew are watching somewhere, and I force myself not to look around, outside of the normal nervous glances of a woman traveling alone.

Pulling out Roark’s credit card, I swipe it through for gas. We decided to use his card, since it would be too obvious to use mine. Orion reported back to his contacts that he was casting a larger net across everyone that I’ve interacted with regularly.

This way, it looks like a happy accident that he caught me.

I’m wearing an oversized hoodie and leggings with boots, and my knife is in its holster around my thigh. I don’t know what’ll happen after Orion deposits me at the drop off, but there will be a struggle.

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