Page 13 of The Sweetest Note

I nod, shaking because I feel the same way. “I know, and I’m so fucking sorry. I should have fought them harder, but I got tasered, and the last thing I saw before I passed out was Len on her back paralyzed. Her eyes were open and scared, and that’s not even the worst part. I just want to tell everyone at once if that’s okay? Not that anyone will believe me,” I mutter.

“Why wouldn’t we believe you?” Roark asks. “You traveled all this way back to us… you deserve the floor to tell your story. And Lennon’s story. We didn’t know what to think when you also disappeared—”

“And because of my history, it just looks fucking shady,” I agree.

“A little, but Larsen, our bus driver, was also caught on camera leaving the city with a woman. So… it could have gone either way. Jordan’s got some impressive hacking skills,” he says with a snort. “You weren’t on any of the cameras leaving the stadium, so the odds weren’t favorable that you were behind this.”

“Because I wasn’t,” I explode in a huff, my arms dropping to my sides.Did I mention I’m tired as fuck?My eyes prick with tears, a mixture of anger, fear for Lennon, and being bone tired.

“Hey,” Roark says, coming over to put his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. It’s really obvious you weren’t behind this to me, okay? We’ll find her, and it’ll be with your help. Turner has some back up coming in too, so if you want to take a shower and get some clothes on, you have time. We almost wear the same size, though my shirt may be a little big. You look like you need a hug,” he says wryly.

I shake my head, stepping to the side as his eyes widen. “No offense, but I’m already on edge and running on adrenaline. I may fucking lose it the second someone’s nice to me, and I can’t do that while Len’s still out there.” My voice cracks as I finish talking and Roark nods in understanding.

“Can you do me a favor, though?” Roark is really careful not to touch me as the bell rings for our floor and the doors start to open. “Make sure you find Turner or I when all of this anger and self-hatred breaks, alright? Don’t fucking do this alone, because you have people now.”

Roark strides past me and I take a shuddering breath. Swallowing past the knot in my throat, I follow him out and into the hall.

Fuck, why does he have to be so damn understanding?Because Iamon edge, and was planning to lose my shit in the shower before I tell them my story.Motherfucking shit. Blowing out a breath, I shake my hands out as Roark stops at a door and opens it.

“Here we go,” he rumbles as he pushes into the room, and I take comfort in how Roark is always himself. He’s this incredible rock, but just as I’m on the edge, I can see the evidence that he’s one bad moment away from losing it too.

I walk into the room behind him, and see that this is where the band has unofficially made their home base. Mav, who was sleeping fitfully next to Atlas and Layla, startles awake as we walk in. His eyes narrow initially, before widening in surprise.

“Fuck, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” he mutters. “I’m sure you have quite a story to tell, Derek.”

“Yeah, I do,” I agree, dragging my hand through my hair. I feel absolutely disgusting right now, but if the consensus is that they want me to tell them immediately, I’ll sit in my sweaty grossness until they’re satisfied.

“Shit, you look wrecked,” Turner says, running his hand through his hair. I allow my eyes to drink him in for just a moment before I nod. “Look, Greg just got into the airport, and he’s a friend of mine. Go grab a shower, get some clean clothes on, and we’ll order breakfast, yeah?”

I take a cleansing breath, nodding. “Yeah, thanks,” I rasp. Clearing my throat, I try again. “That sounds great. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to eat, but a shower sounds incredible. Just point me in the right direction?”

Turner nods, pointing towards one of the bedrooms in the large suite. “Roark’s suitcase is on the right. I’m pretty sure he’ll have something you can wear until we can pick clothes up for you. I’m pretty sure there’s a backup phone in there too since you no longer have one. You can set it up for yourself.”

“Great,” I murmur, walking away quickly. I shut the door behind me to the bedroom and shudder. I don’t even have it in me to wonder why they magically have a back up phone for me. Maybe one of them is awful about taking care of theirs.

Fuck, it looks like this breakdown isn’t gonna wait. I’m spiraling. I rush to the bathroom and lock that door behind me too. I need space, and layers of doors between me and everything else. I turn on the fan and then the shower and stand there as I allow the tears to fall. I hang my head, ashamed that I couldn’t do more for Lennon.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” I whisper. Dropping my pants and boxers and pulling off my dirty socks, I step into the shower. Allowing the water to wash tears that I don’t feel that I deserve to shed, I close my eyes as I relive each moment of the last twenty-four hours.

I really felt like Roark, Turner, Lennon, and I were headed in the right direction after our incredible orgasm filled reunion. But… I was so fucking stupid and insisted on telling her about her dad at the wrong time. I blame myself for so much.

“Godfucking dammit,” I scream as my body curves in on itself, uncaring if anyone can hear right now. I’m so disgusted with myself, I don’t deserve to break when Lennon is somewhere with her bitch mother.

Somehow, the thought of Carrie slows my heaving breaths, and I focus on finding Lennon. Her mom needs to go back to being dead, permanently, because I can’t have her hurting Lennon ever again. The woman is deranged, and I saw it first hand. I wash my hair and body quickly, my movement slightly jerky as I focus on getting clean. My eyes are heavy, even though I tried to take a nap on the rig.

Caffeine. That’s what I need.

I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other until I can catch a cat nap, and unfortunately that means choking down some food too. Sighing, I shut off the water, grab a towel that’s on the outside of the door, and dry off. Stepping out, I tie it around my waist and look at the steamed mirror.

“Argh, no I don’t want to know how rough I look right now,” I sigh. I grab some toothpaste and brush my teeth with my finger. Spitting into the sink, I promise to find an actual toothbrush later. I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.

Enjoying the minty taste in my mouth for a second, I press my toes into the cold floor, and force myself to breathe. “Time to face the music,” I tell myself. I’m well aware I’ve started talking to myself by this point, but I just need to get from one moment to the next, no matter what it takes.

As I’m thinking about the shit load of guilt I’ll probably always carry, I open the bathroom door, stepping into the bedroom. I stumble as I look up, finding both Roark and Turner sitting on the bed waiting for me.

“I’ll be out of here in a second,” I mumble, striding to Roark’s suitcase to grab a pair of sweatpants and T-shirt. I don’t know why, but I don’t feel comfortable being in a room alone with them right now.

Pulling them out in jerky movements, I walk back towards the bathroom.

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