Page 55 of Out of Reach

They were sitting on the balcony drinking lemonade and watching storm clouds roll over the ocean. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Jude had spent the afternoon doing his and Hawk’s laundry.

“My boss has been arrested,” Jude said. “I don’t think I still have a job.” He sighed. “But, truth is, even if I did, I’m not sure I would go back to modeling.”

“I thought it was your dream.” Dex waved at a fly that kept buzzing in their faces.

“I guess my dream has changed. I’ve changed.”

“Because of what happened?”

Jude shrugged. “Yes and no. I’m really disillusioned because of Tomaso, but I’d already noticed I didn’t enjoy it as much as I had before. I was excited about doing the fashion show because I’d never done one of those before, but the photo shoots are so tedious. On the whole, modeling is a lot of sitting around while someone makes you look good before you pose in front of the camera. And all anyone ever talks about is weight. How little they can eat, and what beauty routines they do or need to do.” Jude hadn’t even realized exactly how he felt until he’d started talking, and now he began to see that going back to New York City with the idea of getting hired by another modeling company wasn’t something he wanted to do.

“I’m sure there’s something else you could do,” Dex said.

“Did you always want to work with computers?” Jude asked him. “I remember you said you used to work in a law office.”

“Yeah. Pretty much. I spent my teenage years on one every second I could. I was big into gaming. I did consider getting into law when I was with Lessner and Macon, but I prefer technology. Working for Slade has been great. There’s such a variety of things to do, and I feel like I make a difference.”

Jude smiled. “I’m glad you found what you like.”

“What else do you enjoy, other than modeling? Did you say you were writing?”

“Not seriously. I’m really not sure where my interests lay. When I was in high school, I acted in several plays. But after I turned eighteen and my foster family cut me loose, I spent all my time just trying to find a place to sleep and something to eat. Until I started dating Hawk. Around that time, someone I knew went to New York and fell into modeling. The idea grew from there. Actually, that guy has already burned out and moved on.”

“Jase did the same thing. Modeling’s how he earned the money to buy this house, so he must have been good at it. But I’ve heard him say it was an empty life.”

Jude nodded. “That’s a good way of putting it. At first, the travel and excitement thrilled me. But after a while, it all just gets exhausting.”

“You’re not the first person to try something out and find out it wasn’t for you. You’ll find something else.”

“Well, I don’t want to be an actor,” Jude said, smiling at the thought.

“Maybe not, but if you’re good at acting, there are other things you can do. Like undercover work, for instance. That’s acting.”

“Sure, but I bet it’s a lot more than that.”

“Those are things you can learn. I didn’t have any training in security when I started here. I was fit because I’d been into mountain climbing for years, but I’d never run an obstacle course or done any investigative work. I still haven’t—I do mostly research and other stuff—but I’ve been taking some classes, just in case. And Seo-jun’s been teaching me to throw knives.”

Jude thought he might as well ask. “Are you by any chance interested in Seo-jun?”

One look at Dex’s face, and Jude realized he’d made a mistake.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t assume…”

“Why did you, then?” Dex asked, expression now closed off. “Is there something about me that makes you think I’m gay?”

God, Jude. Stick your foot in it, why don’t you.

“No, not at all. I just—I just get the idea that he might like you. So, I wondered…I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Dex frowned. “What makes you think Seo-jun’s into me?”

“Just the way he looks at you sometimes. Look, I could be wrong. Please don’t hold it against him.”

“I’m not a homophobe,” Dex said, bringing his feet onto the railing and wrapping his arms around his knees while he stared out at the beach.

“Okay.”

Dex glanced at him. “I don’t want anyone to know,” he said, then lowered his voice, although there was no one around to hear him. “…that I like men.”

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