Page 75 of All Bets are Off

“Who knows? That could be the answer,” I say, a little mesmerized by the way he looks as he turns toward the horizon, dark hair going crazy in the wind and shirt untucked and billowing around him.

“I wish I could freeze time,” he says after a moment. He turns to meet my gaze. “I’m scared of what’s around the corner.”

“I know. I am, too.”

What I don’t say is that, although heartache is coming, happy times await us, too. And I’m looking forward to those very much.

Epilogue

Logan

On All Saints Day, after months of steady decline, my mother slips into a coma. West and I sit by her bedside in the hospital, sleeping in chairs and taking turns leaving to shower and work. Three days later, when I leave the room to get West and me a sandwich in the cafeteria, I come back to find West standing outside the door.

“What’s going on?” I ask, thinking the doctor is in with Mom.

“She just stopped breathing,” he tells me, looking lost.

“Oh.”

“I was expecting it, but…when she made a noise, I thought she was coming out of the coma. Isn’t that weird? I didn’t expect her to…” He leaves off, and I pull him into my arms.

“To what?” I ask, both wanting and not wanting to know.

“To make that sound and just…go.”

I hold onto him, feeling a myriad of emotions. Sadness that she’s gone. Relief that it’s over. Regret that I wasn’t there when it happened. “Did you call in the nurse?”

West nods against my shoulder. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be comforting you,” he says, his voice hoarse.

“You are comforting me.” I sigh. “I can’t believe I wasn’t there. At the same time, I’m glad I wasn’t.”

The door opens and the nurse steps out. “You can go in now if you’d like,” she tells us kindly.

West moves forward, but I stop him with a hand to his arm.

“I don’t want to go in. You can, but…I don’t want to.”

“Are you sure?” West asks, searching my face.

I nod.

“Okay. I’ll just be a minute.” He disappears inside the room. I turn and walk to a quiet corner to call the funeral home.

Later that night as we’re getting ready for bed, I ask, “Do you think it’s bad or weird that I didn’t want to go in?”

“Of course not. There’s no right way to feel in this situation.” West sits down beside me on the bed. “Is there any specific reason you didn’t want to?”

I shake my head. “I just couldn’t. What was it like? Did she…look different?”

He thinks about it. “She looked like…she wasn’t there.”

“I feel guilty for being relieved that it’s over.”

West kisses my head. “That’s natural. I’m relieved, too. That her suffering is over, and that we can move on from this difficult time.”

“I’m an orphan,” I say, then wince, realizing West has never had real parents. “Shit. Sorry. That was stupid of me to say.”

West laughs. “It really doesn’t hurt me anymore. And I had your parents. That meant a lot.”

---