Page 66 of All Bets are Off

“Good for you. What’s it like kissing another man? Never mind, I don’t wanna know. Hey, I was looking for you guys to let you know I have to leave. Thanks for all the work you put into this. I know my brother’s gonna come to his senses when he sees these photos.” He waves the manila folder we gave him. “Hope I see you guys again soon. Oohrah!” He strides around the house.

“Sorry,” Logan says, turning to me.

“Sorry for what?” I ask, pushing the hair from his eyes.

“I panicked. I acted like it was a bet. And here I just said I wished we didn’t have to be so secretive.”

“Well, he handed you the excuse on a platter.”

“You’re not angry that I denied us?”

“I wasn’t exactly thinking of it like that. I didn’t know what to say, either. I kept looking at you, but you wouldn’t look back at me.”

“I didn’t know what to do,” Logan mutters. “I was afraid if I looked at you, I wouldn’t be able to hide any of it if that’s what you wanted me to do.”

I reach for him. “No harm done.”

“What if we hadn’t lied?” Logan suddenly asks, hand on my chest keeping me from pulling him closer.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what do you think would have happened if we’d told Ivan we’re together?”

“I guess he would’ve either accepted it or thrown a homophobic tantrum.”

“Would that bother you? If he turned on us? Went back and told everybody we know that we’re gay?”

I can’t help but correct him. “Bisexual.”

“What difference does it make?”

“It makes a difference. It means I was never lying when I say I like women. And neither were you.”

“You told me I’m theonlyman you like.”

“And that still stands. Technically, I’m not gay.”

Logan sighs. “It doesn’t matter. We’re together now. We might as well be gay because we’re both in a relationship with a man.”

Taking a step back, I run my hand through my wind-disheveled hair while I try to decide if that bothers me or not. Finally, I let it go. “You’re right: it doesn’t matter. We need to talk about who we want to let know about us. Let’s go upstairs now, though. I haven’t been inside you in days.”

Logan follows me inside where we take the elevator instead of the stairs to avoid running into anyone.

Inside Logan’s bedroom, I shut the door and lock it. When I turn around, I can tell by the way Logan’s standing with his arms crossed over his chest that he’s still bugged about something.

“Tell me what’s on your mind,” I say, pulling off my shirt and sitting on the bed, ready to hear it. It suddenly occurs to me the difference between being with Logan and being with a woman is that Logan isn’t going to sit here and deny something is bugging him when it’s obvious something is. I like that.

“I want to know how much our relationship—what we’re doing right now—matters to you. Could you go back to the way things were before? Just friends, no sex?”

Frowning, I say, “Why are you asking me this?”

“Because I want to know.”

Logan doesn’t play mind games, and the least I can do is give him an honest answer even though I’d rather be balls-deep inside him at the moment. How would it feel to go back to the way it was?

I imagine not being permitted to pull Logan close to me. No longer knowing what it feels like to have him submit his stubborn masculinity to me so that I can hold him, love him in the way I’ve grown accustomed to loving him lately. With my words and my body.

“It matters a lot to me. I wouldn’t want to go back to the way things were. I would if you wanted it, but…it would be really difficult to do. I don’t know how I’d manage it.” I look up at him. “Do you want to go back, Logan?” I ask quietly, dread filling my heart.

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