Page 34 of All Bets are Off

Logan and I haven’t spent any time together since we’ve been back. First, Ezra and I were assigned for detail with the mayor of Redding, then Logan had to fly home to check on his mom, who wasn’t answering his calls. When he had the police go to her house, they found her physically well but confused.

Deciding she can’t live on her own much longer, Logan launched a search for a good place for her to live closer to us, finally finding one in Newburg, a town twenty-five miles from Redding, and headed to Atlanta to move her. They will be driving back by the end of the week.

“Easy, there. You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

Collapsing on the mat, I look up at Ezra, who stands with hands on narrow hips. We’ve become closer since taking the job protecting the mayor, who received several death threats before allowing a gun control rally to take place at the local convention center. Ezra’s a year younger than I am, buff as hell, and an old friend of Jase’s back from elementary school. He’s also a pretty cool guy. During some down time during our security detail, he mentioned something about a past boyfriend. He said it so casually, like he didn’t have a fear in the world that I would take it badly—or didn’t give a shit if I did. Since I know he’s seeing a woman right now, I put two and two together that he’s bisexual. It was so tempting to confide that I’ve recently figured out that I’m bi.

Ezra lends me a hand up from the mat, and I grab a towel to wipe the sweat from my face and arms. At first, I wondered if my attraction to Logan could be some kind of fluke. Like, I’m straight but happen to also be attracted to my best friend, who’s a man. But lately I’ve begun to notice other men in a way I never have before. Like, right now, I’m noticing Ezra’s brown nipple peeking out from the edge of his tank top. I’m not exactly feeling attracted to him, but it’s making me think of Logan’s nipples, which are small and something I’ve recently decided I’d like to flick my tongue over. I’d like to do a lot of things to him, if we ever get the time to experiment a little.

Looking away, I start for the showers, Ezra behind me.

While we wash in the large, tiled shower room, he talks about his date the night before with the woman he’s seeing, Melissa.

“How did you know?” I suddenly ask, turning off the water and grabbing my towel.

“How did I know what?” Ezra asks, a frown forming between his dark brows.

“That you’re bi.”

“Oh.” Face clearing, Ezra rinses his hair and turns off the spigot. “Well, I began thinking about it in the seventh grade when I realized something about the boy who sat in front of me in math who always smelled like grape Bubblicious chewing gum.”

“Yeah? What did you realize?” I ask.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, Ezra meets my eyes. “That I wanted to steal his gum from him. Using my tongue.” He grins. “Yep. That was my first clue. At first, I thought I was gay, but then I realized I was also physically attracted to girls. It was confusing, but I was lucky enough to have a big brother to talk to about it. John explained about bisexuality, and from then on, I knew that’s what I was. But it took me years to act on it. It’s not an easy thing to admit to the world. The first guy I dated dumped me because I kept stressing to everyone that I was bisexual, not gay. Pissed him off. I can understand why, now.” Ezra smiles at me. “Any particular reason you’re asking?”

“Do you think forty-one’s a little late to be making that kind of discovery?” I ask.

He thinks a moment. “No. Especially since someone that age didn’t grow up with the host of information the internet gives kids today. Not only that, but I imagine there wasn’t a lot of room in the Marine Corps to explore your sexuality. That is, if we are talking about you, here.”

I nod stiffly, part of me mortified and another part relieved.

Ezra’s grin is contagious. “Congratulations. You’ve just come out. Am I the first to know?”

I shake my head. “Logan and Jase know.”

“I’m glad you had friends to confide in. It’s hard when you don’t. My brother was great, but it would have been nice to talk to others who were bisexual like me.”

We walk together into the locker room and begin getting dressed. “I believe gender is more fluid than people want to admit,” Ezra says, opening his locker.

I think about what he said for the rest of the day. If society didn’t have such restrictive norms—if boys didn’t grow up feeling they are supposed to like girls and only girls, and vice versa, would more people be open to other attractions?

In the back of my mind, one of my former foster father’s voices, full of anger and disgust, tells me these thoughts are wrong. I lived in that man’s house for three years—long enough for him to impress a lot of his bigotry onto me. Bigotry that was later tempered by a more liberal family I lived with in my early adolescence and even more so in adulthood by Logan’s parents. Thank God, or I might have turned out very differently. Still, the things that man told me echo in my ears to this day.

****

The following weekend, as a tangerine sun sinks into the horizon, a bunch of us carry folding chairs and some blankets out onto the beach for some much-needed relaxation time. While Kasey and Andi roast fish and scallops over the bonfire, Ali, Marta, and Mal goof off in the surf, and Andi’s wife, Tara, plays a game of badminton with Colt, Dex, Cara, Ezra, and Seo-Jun.

At the end of the second game, Dex flops down beside me on the sand, replaced in the game by Ezra’s girlfriend Melissa, and we watch Seo-jun slam the birdie over the net, sending Colt diving into the sand in an attempt to reach it before it lands. He fails, and rolls over onto his back, cursing while the players on Seo-jun’s team cheer.

“Is Seo-Jun good at everything?” Dex asks me in awe.

“I haven’t found anything he’s bad at yet,” I say before taking a swig from my beer bottle.

We watch Cara serve and Seo-jun swat the birdie back before Mal or Ezra can even move toward it.

“Where’s Logan? I thought he was back,” Dex asks.

“He spent yesterday in Newburg moving his mother into the furnished assisted living apartment. He’ll be back tonight.”

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