Page 39 of Sebastian

And unlike my anxiety attacks, it doesn’t take me long to pull myself together. I sniffle, swipe at the few stray tears that managed to sneak past my lashes, and chance a peek up at Christian.

I don’t understand the look on his face. It’s dark and intense, like he’s angry, but also concerned and a little tortured. He cups my cheek and tilts my head up so he can study my face.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers and the depth of emotion in his voice makes me all teary-eyed again.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m just… a mess.”

Christian scowls and I wince when I realize I did that negative self-talk thing again.

“You’re not a mess. And even if you were, there’s nothing wrong with that,” he says it so sternly and I want to believe him so badly, but…

“It doesn’t feel that way.”

Christian’s expression darkens even more. “Well, it’s true.”

If only it were so easy to believe, to take whatever Christian says and stuff it into my heart without my anxiety constantly picking at it, threatening to throw it out. “How do you know that?”

Christian waits for me to meet his gaze before speaking. “Because I see you. I see all the work you’re doing and how hard you are on yourself. I see how diligent you are and how much you keep pushing yourself to do more and be better. And when I hear you downplay how amazing you are, how much you’ve accomplished, it…”

Something comes over Christian’s face and it softens to a tender expression that makes my heart swell.

“It bothers me when you say negative things about yourself. Because they’re not true. And… I don’t like it.”

I don’t know how to respond to that. I’m not even sure I know what it means. But my heart expands in my chest until it’s lodged up in my throat and threatening to burst out of my body.

No one’s ever said anything like that to me. No one’s ever cared about what I think about myself. What does it mean that Christian does?

I jump when my phone buzzes where it’s strapped to my arm. I pull it out to find a bunch of texts from the guys.

Rhys: Sebby! Congrats!!

Hayden: Really happy for you, dude!

Noel: Nice job on the nomination.

“Is everything okay?” Christian asks.

I duck my head as my cheeks heat up. “Uh, yeah, it’s nothing. They’re just congratulating me.”

Christian cocks an eyebrow. “Oh? For what?”

I slide my phone back into my armband, texts unanswered. “Um, for the Grabby Awards. I kinda got nominated for one.”

“What?” Christian shifts to the edge of his seat. “That’s amazing. Twice in a row?”

It takes a second for me to clue in on what he’s saying. “Oh, right, yeah, I was nominated last year too.”

Christian puts his finger under my chin to lift my gaze to his. “Hey, see? They wouldn’t nominate you if you weren’t someone important in the industry.”

I want to say that all sorts of unimportant people get nominated all the time. I want to point out that I didn’t win last year. But I bite my tongue because I can see Christian daring me to contradict him. I nod silently instead.

“Congratulations, Sebastian.”

“Thank you.” Which reminds me that I’m allowed to bring a guest. I twist my fingers together in my lap and suck in a breath. If I don’t ask now, I might not work up the courage to ask again. “So, um, the show is going to be in Chicago this year, and um, I was wondering if you might be interested in, I don’t know, coming with me?”

Christian blinks at me. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.

“I mean, just as a friend, of course,” I rush to say. “I get a plus one and I figured it’d be good publicity for our video and all that. But if you don’t want to, that’s totally cool. I know you don’t want to be too visible anyway. So yeah, sorry, it’s fine.”

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