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I want to say it to him. I want to tell him I love him. But the feelings are so big, so overwhelming that they get stuck in my throat. I kiss him instead, pouring every emotion into it. All the love I have for him, all the wonder I feel, all the gratitude I have that he came into my life right when we both needed each other.

I tell him with my lips and my tongue, and the message I get back is such a perfect reflection that it brings tears to my eyes.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

DONNIE

It’s my birthday and Connor’s forced me to take the day off work even though I’m already scheduled to be off tomorrow. He says it’s the principle of the matter—I’m not allowed to work on my birthday and apparently, he has to work tomorrow. He doesn’t usually work on Sundays, but there’s something about a demanding client and Rick insisting, so I relented, because I can rarely say no to Connor.

He’s got a whole day of activities planned, but he won’t tell me a single thing. I have to admit, it’s kind of nice. I haven’t had anyone make such a big deal about my birthday since Roger, and finally celebrating it again feels like another way Connor’s bringing me back from the land of merely existing.

He brings me breakfast in bed. His mother’s French toast, because it’s legitimately very good and I get to cheat on my birthday. He balances it out with a pile of fruit though, so there’s that. We sit across from each other on the bed, tray between us.

“You’re still not going to tell me what we’re doing today?” I ask, taking a sip of coffee.

“Nope.” He pops the p and looks delighted with himself.

“How am I supposed to know what to wear?”

Connor rolls his eyes. “Something you’d wear to the gym and then something comfortable to change into afterward.”

“Like my cycling gear?” I know that’s not what he means. It’s just fun to tease him.

“I mean, if you want. We’re not cycling, though. But I would approve of something tight so I can ogle your ass.” He teases right back.

Touché.

We polish off the breakfast and I insist on helping to clean up. Connor lets me but only because it means we’ll get out of the house faster. The day is beautiful when we step outside. The mid-summer sun is already high in the sky and it feels like the entire city is out in force. The subway is crowded, which only means that we don’t need an excuse to get nice and cozy with each other.

I follow Connor out of the subway and down a familiar street. “There’s a climbing gym near here,” I say as the dots connect in my brain. “It’s owned by some friends of mine.”

“Oh, really?” Connor’s all innocent and doe-eyed.

“Is that where we’re going?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?”

“You know about my friends, don’t you?” I put my hands on Connor’s sides where he’s ticklish and he squirms away before I can get my fingers into him.

“What friends? I don’t know anything about any friends.”

The lying liar.

Sure enough, both Leon and Tucker are there when we go inside.

“Donnie!” They come out from behind the check-in desk to swallow me up in a group hug. “You came!”

“You knew we were coming?” I ask, peering over their shoulder at Connor who looks smug as hell.

“Yeah, your…” Leon glances at Connor.

“Boyfriend,” I say and Connor beams like he’s got a spotlight on him.

“… boyfriend called to make sure we’d be here,” Leon finishes.

“Do you even remember how to climb, honey?” Tucker asks, which is a good question.

I never considered myself an avid climber, but I popped into the gym regularly enough to have my own climbing shoes. The same climbing shoes that Connor’s pulling out of his bag. Where the hell did he find those?

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