Page 43 of Ripped

“Oh, you know.” Phyllis gives a dismissive wave of her hand. “We’re the same.”

“That’s not true.” Leonard reaches for his wife’s hand. “We’ve started dance classes.”

Phyllis blushes a dainty pink and Leonard gazes at her like they’ve just run off and eloped. It makes my heart ache to see that look in Leonard’s eyes. It’s the same way Roger used to look at me.

“What, um, what kind of dancing?” I ask.

“Latin ballroom,” Phyllis says with a saucy shimmy of her shoulders. “Our neighbors coerced us into going with them.”

“It’s been fun,” Leonard adds. “I’ve even shed a couple pounds.” He pats his rounded stomach.

The waiter comes by to take our orders and refill our water glasses.

Leonard continues after he leaves. “Phyllis also has a new book club.”

She giggles and leans toward me, bringing her hand up to cup her mouth. “It’s not really a book club,” she whispers. “It’s a poker club. A bunch of us old ladies betting with pennies. But we call it a book club so we don’t scandalize people.”

I smile and it isn’t forced this time. This time, I mean it from the depths of my heart. Dance classes and poker clubs. They’re doing things that make them happy, that bring joy into their lives. They’re living again and… I guess, so am I.

“Roger had regular poker nights with friends, didn’t he?” Phyllis has a faraway look in her eyes.

My heart clenches, bracing itself for what’s coming. This is why lunch with Phyllis and Leonard can be so difficult. The reminiscing. I have zero problems with talking about Roger. I’m more than happy to answer every question Connor might have about him.

It’s different with Phyllis and Leonard though. It’s the back and forth. My emotions fuel their emotions, which fuel mine again until it becomes too much. Then I’m suddenly back there, in the days after we lost him, rocked with the realization that he’s gone and he’s never coming back.

“Yeah,” I say, my voice tight and a little too high. “He did. Once a month with his work friends. He wasn’t very good at it though. He had the worst poker face I’ve ever seen.”

Leonard shakes his head, smiling at a private memory. “He never could lie to us.”

“It was in his eyes,” Phyllis adds. “We could always tell by the look in his eyes. He was such a sweet child.”

The waiter comes by with our plates and I poke at my grilled fish.

That sweet child grew up into a sweet man. One who called his mother every other day, who brought home flowers on Fridays, who lit up every room he walked into. He used to drive out to Long Island to spend an afternoon with his father doing yard work. He paid for the four of us to go on a cruise together once.

I shift in my chair, fighting the itch to get up and walk out for some air. I pick up my glass of water instead and down half of it.

God, I miss him so much sometimes. I miss having him move in the same space as me. I miss his smell. I miss knowing what he’s thinking without having to ask. I miss finishing his sentences for him and having him finish mine.

I even miss all the things he was shite at, too. That cruise we all went on? He spent the first three days sequestered in the business center for work. Yard work in Long Island was fine, but try getting him to lift a finger with our own backyard. Good luck. I miss all the ways he annoyed me because they were a part of who he was. He wouldn’t have been Roger without them.

Phyllis’s hand settles over mine on the table. I glance up to find her watching me, a knowing look in her eyes.

“I miss him too, dear.”

I nod, my heart in my throat.

She tilts her head to the side and narrows her eyes a fraction. “Have you started dating yet?”

My eyes bulge out of my head and I choke on my own saliva. I grab for my water and bang on my chest, more as a stalling tactic than anything else. This was what kept me up all night. Whether I should tell them about Connor.

“Are you all right, dear?”

“Yes, sorry, I just…” I suck in a deep breath. “You caught me off-guard.”

“So is that a yes? You’ve started dating?” Phyllis asks again.

“Phyllis, we don’t need to go prying into Donnie’s life.”

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