Page 61 of The Pocket Pair

She laughs, though her wet sniffle in the middle tells me she’s still feeling all the feelings. Me too, sister. Me too.

“No one tells you how being a mom is like attaching a tether to your body, to your soul. It’s physical, like me not being able to leave the house at night. But it’s also emotional. I have all this worry, all the time. Jo’s smarter than the other kids. Different. Will she be okay? Will she be bullied? I’m not sure I can do this with one kid. How can I do it all over again with another?”

All I know is that listening to her talk, I ache so badly for this life. I want to be an artist, yes. But even more than that, I want to build my own little family. I’ve always wanted that. It’s why I always throw myself into every relationship I have. I want this so badly it physically makes my chest tight.

And yet, I’m still so very happy for my friends to have found this.

I lean my shoulder into Lindy’s. She leans into me right back and sighs. “You’ve done so good,” I tell her.

“Have I?”

The wavering in her voice has my tear ducts going into high alert.

“Yes.”

Her eyes brim, and I burrow into her shoulder. She leans her head on mine. “This will change everything,” Lindy says.

“But a good change,” I say. “A great one. A beautiful one.”

“Speaking of changes—how’s it going living with Chevy?”

I groan. “Let’s talk more about you and the baby. Please?”

Lindy gives the end of my braid a tug. “Come on—three-sentence update. Winnie’s not here. You can tell me anything.”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

Pulling away enough to shoot me an assessing (and disbelieving) gaze, Lindy says, “Nothing?”

I blow out a breath and look back to the yard, where the crows seem to have finished their nuggets and are cawing loudly at Pat and Jo. “Fine. I like him. He doesn’t like me. The end.” I make a face. “He made up rules for us.”

“What kind of rules?” Lindy asks.

“Roommate rules. I think because he happened to catch me running through the house pantsless.” When Lindy’s mouth drops open, I quickly add, “He didn’t see anything! I dropped laundry all over myself. The point is that if he were interested, he wouldn’t make rules.”

“I made rules for Pat when we got fake-married.” Lindy sounds smug. “And look where that got me.”

“Yeah, well. Chevy and Pat aren’t the same. I bet you made the rules and Pat spent all his time trying to break them. Whereas, we aren’t married, Chevy made these rules, and I don’t foresee him trying to break them. Even if we’ve had a few … moments.”

“Moments?” Of course, Lindy zooms right in on that. “Details, please. The juicier the better.”

I wish I had juicy things to tell her. But as I quickly recount the little moments where we had some kind of connection, they all sound so thin. Not like bricks building something solid, but more like playing cards precariously stacked into a house that will blow over at the first tiny breeze.

“I always suspected Chevy might have feelings for you.”

I almost fall off the swing. “You did? You’ve never said anything!” When Lindy doesn’t answer in less than one point five seconds, I grab her arm and shake her. “Why? Tell me!”

“Don’t shake the baby!”

“You can’t use the baby for excuses yet. It’s too tiny to be bothered by shaking. Answer me, woman!”

“Stop manhandling me first,” Lindy says. And like the very calm and mature person I am, I shake her once more, then let her go. “There’s nothing definitive I can point to. Just small things. He gave you a nickname. Only you. No one else. And I know for a fact Winnie never had to warn him away from me.”

I feel a shiver worthy of a whole battalion of people walking over my grave. “Winnie did what?”

Lindy makes a face. “I don’t think she knows I know. But I overheard her threatening Chevy if he ever hurt you. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

This information is taking a while to process. Like I’ve tried to upload some fancy software to an early 2000s Windows system with seventy-five open programs. I never even considered that while Winnie was warning me away from Chevy, she might be doing the same to him. I can’t decide if I’m upset with her for telling Chevy to stay away or honored she cares so much she threatened her own brother for me.

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