Page 14 of Two Is Better Than One

I had asked Casey to come to work, saying that I wanted to do some shopping that morning. It was a lie, but I had to set it up for him to be there so that he could take off with me once I was dressed as Allie. We had done the act before, and we got started with the whole charade before Casey even got there that morning.

Allie came into my room and we transformed into each other. We were pros at it. Brooks had been with me for three years, and he had no idea. Our personalities were similar in one-on-one situations. You would never know it because I was on stage and in the public eye all of the time and she seemed to be shy and reserved, but we were really similar. We seemed altogether different when viewed through the lens of media, but at home, on a couch, in a normal conversation, we had comparable personalities. It was nothing for me to pretend to be my sister. And I knew she would be fine sitting and working from my bed for a few hours while I got to go out and about in peace and quiet.

It had been a long week of traveling and starting the movie. I knew other singers had tried to act and it didn't go so well, but I also knew some who did fine with critics. I felt pressure with making the move from singing to acting. I felt inadequate and a little scared, and for those reasons, I chose a church as the place I wanted to go while I had my free pass for the day.

I was already dressed as my sister when Casey arrived at the suite. I had on a wig and glasses, and I had added two moles and taken away one. Neither of us wanted to get caught and exposed for impersonating one another, so we made it perfect every time. I knew Allie would act just like me when she stayed back at the suite. I had no problems acting like Allie—her mannerisms and life story were so near and dear to me that I fell into stride, easily pretending to be my sister.

Casey was sorry to hear that "Summer" didn't feel well, but he easily agreed to go with Allie to the church.

Brooks had the day off and he went to lunch with a new friend from the movie while Casey and I went to a church.

We didn't even need a driver. Dressed as my sister, I was able to take off with Casey, in his vehicle, without even so much as a single person following us. It was amazing, honestly.

Conversation with Casey was easy, and it flowed the whole time we drove and continued while we toured the monastery grounds. We talked about life. We talked about movies, books, music, and food. I was honest with him, and I carefully avoided turns in the conversation that would lead me to lying to him or pretending to speak for my sister in specific ways. Our conversation touched on neutral topics, and I was able to be honest. I felt like I could speak to him as myself and not Allie.

Casey and I had gotten to know each other during the last week, but we were always with other people. It was nice to talk to him alone. I liked him. Who was I kidding? I really liked him. I was currently inside a church, having butterflies over a guy. I closed my eyes and cringed at the thought. I asked God to forgive me.

"What?" Casey asked, looking at me. We were in a gorgeous Spanish monastery. We had already walked through a garden, and we had just sat down in a chapel. I didn't think he was looking at me, or I would have never cringed.

"I was just thinking about how easy it was to be distracted and led astray," I said.

"Oh, I'm sorry for asking," he said, whispering and taking me too seriously. "I should just let you do your thing."

I took a deep breath, and hesitated to reply as I wondered what 'my thing' was. I had the busiest life you could imagine, but there I was, alone with my thoughts in a church, pretending to be my sister.

"Do you like going to churches?" I asked.

"No," he said, without hesitation.

"Goodness, that was fast. Why not?"

"This is fine, but I don't like church services because it's all just for show. Maybe I like God. I do like God, actually. I think I just like what churches were supposed to be about originally, but I don't like what they are now."

"Why not? Name a reason."

He looked like he was a little surprised by the request, but he thought about it. "I've had times in my life, with my job, where I have to pretend to be someone I'm not."

My heart dropped, but I held still, listening to him as he continued.

"I have to look gross and lead a double life as someone who doesn't take care of themselves, and I know how those church people treat people like that—they're fine with them in soup kitchens. They're fine with helping under their terms. But they don't want a homeless, stinky guy sitting in the pews next to them for a service. I like churches just fine if I comb my hair back and put on cologne and go in there as Casey Morgan. But when I go there as someone else, as someone who doesn't look like me, I get treated differently. I just don't think that's what it was all about in the beginning, you know?"

"It's not what it's about, and I'm sorry that happens to you. It's not God's fault, it's people's fault."

"I know that. I don't have anything against God. I just don't have any desire to go to church."

"That's not good," I said.

"Why not?"

"Because you're missing out."

"No, I'm really not."

"Then, others are missing out on you."

"What?"

"They are. In a world full of clanging cymbals, it's your job to go to the church and be the voice people can hear."

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