Page 13 of Diamond Devil

I watch her go. I can hardly blame her—I would’ve done the same thing.

I stay where I am until she rounds a corner and disappears from sight. Then, when the night is silent and still again, I rev my engine and make a U-turn.

I speed away from this entire neighborhood and the tormented people who call it home.

If they’re lucky, I’ll never be back.

6

TAYLOR

It hurts more than it should to hear his engine fade into silence.

It’s ridiculous that I should feel so judged by a stranger. Because heisa stranger. He may have a cute yet annoying nickname for me. He may have finished inside me. He may know more about my feelings than my own family does at the moment.

But he’s still a stranger.

And his opinions don’t matter.

I repeat that mantra to myself right up until I reach the house. It used to be that I would see the old bricks and the yellow curtains at the window and feel comforted.

But this is mychildhoodhome. And I’m no longer a child.

It doesn’t help that, despite the late hour, the curtains are still thrown open. Which means Dad is waiting up for me, ready to unleash the rant of a lifetime the moment I walk through the doorstep.

Except that it’s eerily silent when I walk in. I pass the threshold and peer into the living room.

Dad is there, just like I thought he’d be. Sitting in his recliner, shoes still on his feet. But his chin is slumped to his chest and his eyes are closed. There’s a cold mug of tea at his side and a book flopped open in his lap.

He must’ve been waiting all night for me to come home.

I close the curtains and lean against the wall, just gazing over at him for a moment. It’s so much harder to be mad at him like this. When he’s asleep, it’s impossible to avoid the fact that he’s gone so deathly gray. His mouth is a mess of worry lines and his crows’ feet stand out like cracks between tectonic plates. Those age spots on his hands—were those there before? I can’t remember.

I hate what I said to him tonight. I hate how he reacted. But at the end of the day, I still love him., just like I know he loves me.

That’s what they don’t tell you about cancer: the disease spreads to everyonearoundthe one who’s sick. It depletes them of their patience and hope and reduces them to the worst versions of themselves.

My worst version came head to head with Dad’s worst tonight.

And I’m starting to realize that if I stay here…it’ll keep happening again and again. We’ll be caught in a Groundhog Day version of what happened tonight. More cruel words. More vicious slaps.

Which is why I came to the conclusion that’s been waiting for me all night. The obvious choice that I refused to make until I stepped out of that stranger’s car and into the cold and rainy night.

I have to leave.

I felt brave about that choice at first. It’s the right thing to do, I know that. I knew it would be hard.

But now that I’m here, actually doing it, it’s a trillion times harder than I ever could’ve imagined. Tears stud my eyes as I scoop up a yellow blanket from the basket at Dad’s side and drape it over his legs.

Guilt pulls at my heart as I turn my back on him and sneak upstairs. It takes me only a few short minutes to get my stuff together. When I’m packed, I sling my duffel bag over my shoulder and creep back down the corridor towards the staircase.

I’m almost at Celine’s door when it opens. She glances out into the hallway and catches sight of me immediately.

“Tay?”

I sigh and set the bag down on the floor. I want to hem and haw, but there’s no beating around the bush now. “I’m leaving, Celine,” I say. “I can’t stay anymore.”

She rushes over to me, soft blonde hair spilling from her messy bun. “Oh, Tay, it was just a fight! A bad one, yes. He never should’ve hit you. But you were both emotional and tired. And after what the doctor said yesterday… I’m—I’m not trying to justify what he did. But…well…you know that Dad loves you—”

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