Page 38 of Diamond Angel

Her bracelets jangle as she strokes a loose lock of hair from my face with tender fingers. “The point I’m trying to make is, I don’t make a habit of telling folks what to do. But that’s because, with most people, I don’t usually care enough about them to worry about how their lives will turn out. But you… I want you to be happy. And sometimes, that means being a little selfish.”

I close my eyes. “Ilarion told me not to think too far ahead. He says we need to take one day at a time.”

“Smartandsexy. If only I were twenty years younger.”

I smile. “He’s married.”

She tilts her head and peers at me. “Is he, though?” The way she says it sounds like she actually doubts the fact. But then she shrugs. “Well, never stopped me before.”

I shake my head and get to my feet. “You realize you’re supposed to be helping me, right?”

“I just did.” She wipes her hands together and gives me another shrug paired with a rather maternal sigh. “Not my fault you’re probably not gonna take my advice.” She walks over to the shelf adjacent to my bed and picks up the snow globe that I’ve carried with me like a memory capsule all these years. It’s not an accident that it’s one of the last things left to pack. Along with Adam’s photograph in the living room, it’s the first item out of my bags and the final one in. “This thing is gorgeous. Where’d you get it?”

“Oh, um…at this shop…somewhere…”

Mabel turns to me pointedly. “Is it from him?”

I curse myself internally. “No. I mean, sort of. He never actually gave it to me.”

“You nicked it? My girl! You’re more like me than you’re willing to admit.”

“I wasn’t really thinking straight,” I admit. “We’d just got word that Cee was awake and Dad was back. And I’d spent most of the day sleeping with my sister’s fiancé. I guess I knew that we’d never have that again. So…I took it.”

“See?”

“See what?”

“No woman takes a keepsake like this unless it’s love.”

“Or maybe I’m just an undiagnosed kleptomaniac.”

“Also possible.” Mabel laughs as she examines the snow globe carefully. Then she passes it to me. “Safe to say, this isn’t going to charity. Unless you wanna leave it with me…?”

She’s testing me. But I can’t bring myself to pretend like that snow globe doesn’t mean the world to me. In any case, I’m okay with exposing myself to Mabel. She’s the one person in the world I know won’t judge me.

I take the snow globe from her with a delicate grasp and nestle it carefully between sweaters in my suitcase. Then I sink to a seat on the floor.

Muffled through the wall, we can hear the sounds of Adam and Dad negotiating which books he can bring with him.

“Does he know what’s happening?” Mabel asks.

I shake my head and shrug at the same time. “It’s hard to say. I mean, I’ve talked to him about it, but it’s a lot to ask him to grasp the concept that we’re not coming back here. It was easier when he was a baby.”

“I’m gonna miss that little rugrat,” she sighs.

Her words hit me harder than both of us expect. My bottom lip starts to tremble, and suddenly, before I know it, I’m crying.

“Oh, honey.” Mabel gathers me up in her arms and leads me to the bed. “Honey, c’mon now.”

I mean to say, “I’m just overwhelmed,” but what I actually say is, “I miss my mom.”

Mabel nods and presses my head to her chest as she holds me close. I close my eyes and try to think of Mom. It’s shocking how hard it is to remember some days. Toward the end, she smelled like sickness and sanitizer. But before then, long before then, it was caramel. I used to put my head down in her lap and she would run her fingers through my hair. She’d kiss my forehead and tell me everything was going to be okay. It was impossible not to believe her.

When I finally pull back, my vision is foggy and my cheeks are wet. “I’m sorry. It’s been a long time since I cried about her.”

“Never apologize for your tears.” Mabel squeezes my hand. “I remember when I lost my mother. She was a mean old snake, but still. It feels a bit like you’ve lost your training wheels, and suddenly, you’re expected to ride on your own without any help. And the handlebars are falling off. And also, the whole bike is on fire.”

I snort a snotty laugh. “That’s pretty spot-on.”

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