“Doesn’t matter. Let me go.”
“She’s leaving.” He thinks it over and rephrases. “Leaving me, at least. For Ashton.”
A shiver runs down my spine. “Still doesn’t matter. I’m trying to do the right thing.”
“By denying your feelings for me?”
“Yes!” I hiss. “My feelings for you arewrong!”
He seems to hesitate. “You don’t mean that.”
Deep down, I really don’t. “Ihaveto mean it, Ilarion.”
“Because Celine still lives with me?”
“Because I…I…”Fucking hell, I can’t think of anything. I’m still reeling from the idea that this nightmare I’ve spent five years dreading might finally be done with me. I squint at him. “Is she really leaving you for Ashton?”
Ilarion sighs. “More like she’s letting go of pointless hope and going after something real. Something I could never give her.”
“You didn’t even try.” I don’t know why I’m such an emotional masochist, but the words keep flowing like verbal vomit. “You didn’t even try to make it work with her.”
“I couldn’t make myself feel something that I didn’t. And it’s not fair to lie to her. To string her along over something she’ll never have.”
I wrench my arm out from under his and pivot away from him. I know he won’t let me leave until he’s had his say, so I don’t bother trying. I walk to the balcony’s edge instead, looking for a way out. Or maybe a way down. I wish I was Rapunzel in one of Adam’s towers and I could just throw my hair over the edge like a rappelling rope.
“Cee seems to think you’re a good man,” I murmur out into the night.
“It usually depends on who you ask.”
It’s cold out here and my wispy dress isn’t insulating me the way that I need right now. Of course, there’s the heat of his presence; that’s another beast entirely.
And I need to stay far away from it.
“How is she?” I ask.
“Still processing. But mostly…relieved.”
My eyes feel like they’re about to pop out of their sockets. “She said that?”
“She didn’t have to. I saw it written all over her face.”
“Ah. So you’re just seeing what you want to see.”
Now, he genuinely smiles and turns me to follow his gaze into the ballroom. Through the frame of the window, I see…
Holy shit.
Cee is wrapped up in Ashton’s arms, and for the first time in…ever, actually…she looks truly happy.
The sinking feeling in my gut isn’t because of what I’m seeing. It’s from realizing:I almost took that away from her.
I shake my head and stamp my foot to ward off the cold, the fear, and worst of all, the hope. “It doesn’t matter,” I announce with a sigh. “She knows now. And that means that I need to figure out—"
“Stop it, goddammit,” he snarls. “There’s nothing to ‘figure out.’ She’ll stay in her quarters until she and Ashton move things forward. Adam keeps his room. You’ll move into mine.”
I frown. “But she’s a Zakharov. I don’t understand how—”
“Legal name change.” He says it so simply, like it’s a totally normal thing for someone to do. “It helped keep up the ruse.”