Page 37 of The Lessons

The doctor got up and went into the hall, emerging a short moment later with a paper cup full of water.

I took it gratefully. “Thank you,” I said after a couple of sips. “Sorry about that.”

The doctor shook her head dismissively. “No trouble. Where were we…? Right. Mr. Andrews had updated me on your progress thus far.”

I swallowed again, this time without a spastic response. “Great. Um, what did he say?”

“Well, he said you’ve covered quite a bit of ground, actually.”

I nodded and took another sip of water. “I guess you could say that.”

“Are you disappointed with your progress, Natalie?”

I furrowed my brow. “No, I mean, not really. I just—I guess I just wasn’t sure.”

“About what?”

“How long it would take. I mean, how many appointments, how many sessions.”

Dr. Lerner laughed. “Let me guess. Honor roll? I bet you were the teacher’s favorite, too.”

I raised my eyebrows and bit my lips before looking back at her. “Mm, yeah. Am I that easy to read?”

“Takes one to know one.” She chuckled. “But trust me, as one overachiever to another— this is not something you want to rush through. If you do, you run the risk of developing new traumas, new hang-ups, and as much as I like you, the goal is for us never to have to see each other again. Does that make sense?”

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Yeah. It does.”

“And you’ll have to get very comfortable with the P-word.”

I cocked my head at her. “Penis?”

She threw her head back and let out a deep, throaty laugh. “No, Natalie,patience. Although getting comfortable with penises will be part of it.”

“I think penises might be easier to get used to,” I said with a small smile. Dr. Lerner was nice. I liked her.

“It usually is for our types. Okay, now I’m going to change the subject and get a little more specific. Mr. Andrews tells me you were able to orgasm.”

Here we went again.

“Uh, yep. Yeah.”

“But you have not yet attempted penetration, is that correct?”

“Right. We’ll, uh, probably go for that next time.” At least, that is what I assumed. Yep, the teacher’s pet was roaring back to life. I made it sound so easy, like it was my choice, like I was debating between ordering a hot dog or hamburger.

“And how did you find it? Achieving orgasm?”

Jesus. That fucking expression again. This was decidedly theleastsexy conversation I’d ever had. I longed for it to be over and done. I glanced down at my watch. In about forty-five minutes, I would be sitting down to lunch with Josh, this horrible awkwardness behind me. I couldn’t fucking wait.

“Natalie?”

“What? Oh, sorry. It was good. Yep. Still reflecting on it, I guess.”

She nodded and continued to write in her notebook. “That’s great. That’s an important part of the process. So what about you and Mr. Andrews? Are you working well together? Any concerns on that front?”

I felt something move deep inside me at the mention of his name, and immediately I perked up. I tried to avoid tipping her off with eye contact and instead looked at her askance. Was she trying to tip-toe around my attraction to him? Could she even tell? Or was I that obvious? Then a thought occurred to me:shit, she hadn’t seen us in the hallway last week, had she?We had been so careful that I was positive no one had seen us. Maybe she was asking for another reason. In any case, my strategy was clear: deny, deny, deny.

I shrugged. “No complaints. He’s a good teacher. Nice enough.”

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