Page 93 of The Lessons

“I suppose that’s the general sequence of events.”

“And—don’t judge me—but I want it all. I want a family, with a dog and kids and a little house.” I paused, “I know it sounds dumb.”

He took half a beat to respond. “It doesn’t sound dumb at all. It’s only natural if you grew up without those things.”

“Yeah.” I half-wished I could see his face, but the reality was I was enjoying lying with him too much to risk moving.

“Still…” he trailed off.

“What? What is it?”

“Nothing. Just still surprised you haven’t dated much, I guess. That’s all.”

That’s all? We’re nooking, and you’re telling me you’re surprised I don’t date much?This whole mixed-signals thing was going to be the end of me. I knew it.

“Well, I guess we should call it a night,” he said, sitting up and pulling his arm back, thus confirming the method of my demise.

“Yeah, I guess so.” My body screamed at me as it detached from Ryan’s warmth, as if I’d fatally betrayed it.

“It’s late. Can I give you a lift?”

“That’d be great. Thanks.”

Chapter Twenty-seven

Ryan

I nodded to Priya as I made my way to Lisa’s office. It was customary to have a face-to-face check-in at this stage of treatment. Email was great initially, but after several sessions, in-person conversation became a necessity.

“Ryan,” she said, putting down her pen. “Have a seat. Thanks again for coming in. I know it’s a busy time of year for you.” She turned toward me and crossed her legs. “So, how is everything? How’s school? How’s Ains?”

I crossed my arms. “She’s fine. Aren’t we here to talk about Natalie?” I was being curt, but I had a thesis to finish this week. After spending all that time with Natalie, well, I had some catch-up to do.

Lisa pressed her lips together and began to leaf through a file. “Yes, I suppose we can get right to it. How are things going with her? You had an appointment with her yesterday, correct? You were very vague last night on the phone.”

I crossed my arms and looked down at the floor. “Sorry. I couldn’t talk.”

“Couldn’t talk? What, hot date?” As she joked, I saw something cross her mind. I immediately knew she suspected something. We’d known each other for too long. She knew my tics, and I knew hers. She narrowed her eyes at me and lowered her voice. “It was eight o’clock at night, Ryan.”

I kept my arms crossed and tried to wipe my face of emotion. Of course, that had the opposite effect I wanted.

Her face morphed to something wicked. “Were youwithher?” she asked, incredulously.

I still didn’t say anything. I wasn’t going to let her have this on me.

“Okay, wait. Hang on. First you ask me to transfer her, and then you’re hanging out with her at eight o’clock at night?” I saw her piece together the puzzle in her mind. “What is…? Wait…don’t tell me you’ve fucking fallen for her, Ryan.” She snorted.

I said nothing.

She fell silent for a full minute, but I could see the wheels at work, turning inside her head. “Wow. Just wow.” She sat back in her desk chair and placed one finger on her lip. “Don’t tell me the Ice King has been melted by one of hisclients.”

I shook my head. “Don’t fucking call me that, Lis.”

“Ice King? Why not? It’s so fitting.”

Lisa thought that just because I’d shut her out years ago, I wasn’t capable of carrying on a relationship. Okay, maybe I hadn’t been at that time. But also, she and I—we just didn’t have anything that made for a lasting relationship. However, I’d let her think what she wanted, that I was emotionally shallow, because her dad had a hand in my schooling. “Just because you and I—” I shook my head, deciding against going overthatagain. “Look. Nothing is happening.”

“Bullshit.”

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