Page 64 of The Lessons

I felt myself turn red, and then I flushed again when I realized I was blushing with no one around. Was this what I’d been feeling with Ryan? When we were in the elevator? At the office? For a moment, I berated myself for being so stupid and naïve. Then I went to my desk and got out a notepad. At the top I wrote:

He loves me, he loves me not.

No. Way too flowery. I scratched it out and rewrote it:

Evidence Regarding Ryan Andrews

Okay, maybe a little CSI, but better. I started to list out the instances that made me think that maybe Ryan felt something for me, anything that went beyond our ‘clinical’ relationship.

Yes

The elevator!!

Got all alpha with Josh on the street

Meeting at the library

Said he loved my nipples at our last meeting

Called me babe

And then the reasons why I was crazy even to consider he was into me:

No

Conversation in the bathroom at SFCS

Seemed angry at our last appointment at the hotel

Left quickly after Elevator-gate

Uses every opportunity to reiterate that this is clinical

Okay, so the list was inconclusive at best. Was it stupid for me to have feelings for him? Yes. I didn’t need to list anything out to prove that to myself. But didknowingthat I was being stupid actually fix the situation? Not at all.

So instead, I tried to ignore it. I threw myself into work for the rest of the week, trying not to think about what’d happened.

You know. The sex.

Sexy sex.

I found myself looking at the men in my office with new eyes, wondering what they’d look liked naked, or worse, while making the beast with two backs. And I was thinking this abouteveryone. Even the guys who grossed me out. Then my thoughts would invariably fall back to my last appointment.

With Ryan.

Dang. It was good. He was good.Great,actually. Again, not that I had anything to compare it to, but even he admitted it had been great, and he was, like,an expert.

He also hadn’t said anything about stopping our appointments. Yet he’d said that once we achieved penetration, it’d be over. However, now that I’d done the deed, I felt like I needed more…practice.

And orgasms. I could live with more orgasms, too.

I chided myself once again. This was not the best week to be so distracted. The Forbidden concept was in full development, and I had back-to-back meetings planned for most days. I didn’t even see Brad until Friday afternoon, which was actually great. Not only did I not trust my horny self around him, but I also felt guilty about going forward with our date, knowing I had these unresolved feelings about Ryan. Even if nothing was going to happen. Which it wasn’t.

“Knock, knock.”

I looked up. Brad had once again commandeered the doorframe of my office, his hands grabbing the top edge as he leaned in slightly.

“Brad.” I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry as all hell. “Hey. Come on in.” I put down the report I’d been reading. “What’s up? How are you?”

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