Page 57 of The Lessons

For sure.

No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Today was the day I was finally going to kick virginity to the curb. Cancel my membership in the V-Club. Tear up my V-Card. Get my deflowering on.

Hallelujah.

This shouldn’t have been so hard. Itshouldhave happened when I was an undergrad in college. Or it should have been the first time I met the surrogate. Hell, it should have been the second and third time I met with the surrogate. But no, fate and a poorly maintained elevator had to intervene. Today, however, I was prepared. No twist of fate was going to get between Ryan Andrews’ cock and my vagina.

Ha.

See what I did there?

But seriously, today I was determined. I woke up early, before the sunrise and before my alarm went off. I rolled around for a little while, trying to fall back to sleep, but it was no use. Was I excited or was I nervous? And really, what was the line between the two?

I finally threw off the covers and decided to go for a run. I hate running. I hate all forms of physical exercise, actually, save for walking. Yes, walking was fine provided there was a goal in mind. Like a cup of coffee. Or a doughnut. Okay, preferably a doughnut.

So you can see how strange I was feeling.

I dug my sports bra out from the very bottom of my dresser drawer and cobbled together a semblance of a running outfit from my yoga (read: lounge) pants and a free T-shirt I’d gotten as part of the Heaven Sent “Welcome to Work” package.

Out on the street, I threw my earbuds in, pressed play on my iPod, and started running just as dawn was breaking.

Once outside, I could sort of see why people went running. It was peaceful so early in the morning—foggy and cool, and the streets were relatively empty, save for some early morning commuters and garbage men. I didn’t run far; I didn’t have the lung capacity for that. In fact, I only managed about ten minutes before grinding to a stop near the yacht harbor.

Fuck running. This was stupid.

As I bent over, trying to catch my breath, I spotted a coffee shop on the other side of the avenue. I made a quick detour and scored a celebratory blueberry muffin and a small latte to keep me company on the walk back to my apartment.

Back at home, I took my time showering and getting ready. I was careful to groom every inch of my body for what was arguably its biggest day since birth. I’d laundered my newest pair of underwear since the last time I’d seen Ryan, figuring there was no reason not to use it again. After all, last time it hadn’t gotten any airtime, so to speak.

But despite my best efforts at time wasting, I was done and dressed by about nine, which left me with four hours to fill. I flirted with the idea of calling Josh but decided against it. It was the middle of the morning back East, and he was probably in a meeting. It was just as well. I mean, really—what would I say?

“Oh, hey, Josh.”

“Hey, LeeLee, what’s up?”

“Oh, nothin’. Just gonna lose my virginity to a paid sex-man today. Thanks for not helping me out with that one eight years ago, by the way.”

Yeah. Probably better not to call.

Perhaps I did have some unresolved issues.

I pulled out one of my favorite mystery novels and tried to get lost in the pages. When that didn’t work, I settled on getting out my laptop and catching up on the latest season ofThe Walking Dead. Anything to stop thinking about what was coming up later.

Ryan

I turned the vase and then stepped back, admiring my handiwork. The back room was looking much better now. I’d swung by one of those home décor shops on my way to the office and purchased a few things. Nothing major, just a few items to make the backroom seem homier, more comfortable. A cushioned bench seat, which I put at the foot of the bed, and a few items for the nightstands—a couple of candles, a vase, and a life-sized cast iron turtle. Why the store carried a cast iron turtle, I had no idea, but it was cool, and I bought it. I wondered if she’d notice.

Oh, fuck me.Decorating? I was in deep.

I tried to distract myself until the appointment time by catching up on some schoolwork as graduation was fast approaching.

I couldn’t believe I was less than a month away from being done with school forever. It’d been a long journey. After my parents had died, I’d found out my dad had racked up a huge sum of debt. My sister and I were left with nothing save for the house and a small life-insurance trust fund, which was quickly used to pay some medical bills. If I hadn’t come into this surrogacy job, well, my sister and I’d be destitute.

Even more reason to stay focused and not let myself get distracted by Natalie, right?

Not. That. Simple.

---