Page 27 of The Lessons

“You know, Nat, I think this is the messiest I’ve ever seen one of your apartments.”

I eyed the two yet-to-be-unpacked boxes in my living room. It wasn’t that messy, and he knew it. He was just giving me a hard time. “Yeah, yeah. Very funny, Josh.”

“You know what I was thinking on the flight? Can you believe we’ve known each other for almost nine years?”

Wow. Had it already been that long? Dang. “That’s crazy,” I said, taking another bite.

“It is. And you know, Nat, I never did thank you for being so understanding when I came out.”

I looked over at him. Aw, Joshie was getting all sentimental on me. “Careful, don’t get too mushy, Josh. After last year, my tear ducts go off at random times, even if I intellectually object.”

He scooted over to me so we were sitting next to each other. “I’m serious, Nat. It meant the world to me. I know I kind of sprung that on you, and I need to thank you for not flipping out on me. Really. I mean, my own sister didn’t speak to me for two weeks, but you stuck by me. Thank you for that.”

I pondered what he was saying for a bit and even was tempted to share the effects his coming out had laid on me and my Plan, but I decided against it. That ship had sailed long ago, and I didn’t want anything to mar what we had now. Pure, good, friendship. With my only friend.

Chapter Ten

Ryan

I’d been holed up in my room all morning, trying to knock out a section of my thesis before my appointment with Natalie later that day. Because I knew that once I saw her again, I’d be done for the day. Apparently, each time I saw her, I was ruined. I didn’t know what it was, but I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. It didn’t even make sense. I mean, I barely knew the girl. Why was she affecting me so strongly?

Generally, it went like this: I was having a good day. Maybe even great. Then I saw her, and everything became amazing. I’m serious—lights were brighter, the air smelled sweeter. And then she’d leave. After that, it was like I had ahangoveror something. My mind was clouded, and I couldn’t focus. Okay, I admit, the hard-on in my pants was a big part of the distraction, too. After the last time I’d seen her, I’d had to jack off twice just to relax. I hadn’t had a boner like that since I was fifteen.

I walked out of my room and silently cursed my roommate. I’d known him since college, and he wasn’t a bad guy, but he was a slob. He was always having different girls over, and his Big Move was to cook for them, which always left the kitchen a mess. However, the house I’d inherited from my parents was way too big for one person, and he paid the rent on time, so I put up with it. I took a frying pan off the stove and put it in the dishwasher before grabbing an apple and heading back to my room to get ready. I was too nervous to eat anything more than that.

I took a bite of the apple and stood in front of my closet. When was the last time I’d cared about what I wore to an appointment? It’d been a while, for sure—probably not since my first sessions as a therapist. My thoughts, of course, quickly drifted back to Natalie. I found myself wondering what kind of man she normally went for. She was so green, so innocent. What she needed was someone to take charge and show her the ropes. I guess that was where I came in.

I stuck the apple in my mouth and grabbed some clothes off the hangers. I was a selfishbastard—again and again I had an opportunity to turn and walk away, but instead I went to the shower and prepped for our appointment.

Natalie

The work week flew by. Before I knew it, it was Friday and time for Appointment Number Two. As I sat in the office with Ryan again, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Instead, I kept my eyes trained on my knees and wondered what today’s session would entail.

“So,” he began, “did you do your homework?”

I looked up. Ryan was sitting opposite me and thumbing through his notebook. The question was so casual, so nonchalant— Was he seriously asking me if I’d masturbated after our last appointment? Jesus. I rubbed my forehead and contemplated my response.

“I wasn’t aware I had much choice in the matter,” I deadpanned.

Ryan didn’t look up from the notebook and instead jotted down some notes. I tried to imagine what he could possibly be writing. Was he putting a little check plus next to masturbatory skills?

“Did you use penetration?” he asked, still writing.

My eyes widened slightly at the question. Had he just asked if I’d used a dildo? Man, he was so casual about it. “Um, no,” I admitted, looking everywhere but at him. What if I had said yes? Would he have asked me what color?

“Clitoral stimulation?”

I tensed, remembering my little adventure after our last appointment. “Uh, yeah.” I prayed he wouldn’t ask me what I’d fantasized about. If he did, I would have to lie, and I wasn’t sure what substitute to supply. Bradley Cooper? Charlie Hunnam? What constituted a respectable masturbation fantasy to a guy?

“And you were able to achieve orgasm?” He looked up from his notebook for this question and right into my eyes.

I was taking a break from my contacts today and was wearing the same glasses I’d been wearing when we’d met. Oh, hell, maybe I’d worn them for him—I don’t know. In either case, I couldn’t handle his eye contact. I pulled off my glasses and stuck them on top of my head, rendering the entire room delightfully blurry. It made it much easier to talk when I couldn’t be distracted by the man across from me. As uncomfortable as all this was, he was still one sexy motherfucker.

“Um, yes.” Achieve orgasm made it sound so technical, so textbook.

“How many times?”

I swallowed. “Once.”

---