Page 15 of The Lessons

Most of the boxes were filled with my mom’s stuff. She’d been a professional baker. As much as I’d like to say she’d passed on the skills to me, I was a dunce at it. Except for scones. I could turn out scones like nobody’s business.

So what was the non-baker doing with ten cookie sheets, six porcelain pie plates, two hand-mixers, one standing mixer, four muffin tins, and three rolling pins? Well, my mom had loved the stuff, and I couldn’t bear to give it away. After she’d passed, I'd held an estate sale. I brought in one of those companies that run the sales for you. My only orders had been not to sell anything in the kitchen. As a result, I had kitchen supplies to rival the best of them. In addition to the bakeware, I also had her collection of beautiful, milky green jadeite dishes. I put those into the display cupboard above the sink before putting the pie plates and extra mixer into a smaller box and shoving it under my bed.

After a few hours of unpacking, I surveyed my small apartment. The empty boxes gave me a considerable amount of anxiety, but I tried to ignore them. With the kitchen done, my tiny little space on the other side of the country was finally starting to feel like a home. As I washed my face and climbed into bed, I tried to silence the myriad voices in my head.

Those that wondered if San Francisco could be a long-term home.

Those that were silently evaluating Brad.

Those that questioned if I was making fast enough progress on my to-do list.

And those that were crackling with anticipation for my first appointment with Ryan.

But despite the frenetic firing of synapses in my head, fatigue eventually won out, and I slept like the dead.

Chapter Five

Ryan

“I can’t transfer her, Ryan. We don’t have any other surrogates available for four weeks because Jared had to go down to LA to see his mother in the hospital.”

I sighed into my phone. I’d been up all night, trying to figure out the best way to untangle myself from…from whateverthiswas that I’d started. Yes, I’d told Natalie I wouldn’t transfer her, but after sleeping on it, it felt clear:I couldn’t do this.

Lisa Lerner continued. “Look, I’m really sorry, Ry, but I need you to do this for me. Please.”

I ran my hand through my hair, exasperated but trying to restrain my reaction. Lisa wasn’t going to budge. I would know.

She and I had dated years ago for all of a second. A fitting capstone to The Years I’d Rather Forget. Our relationship had run hot and faded fast. Thankfully, we rarely spoke of it now. Her father was, and still is, the chair of the Psychology Division at USF. Knowing I needed to attend school close to home, she’d pulled some strings to get me into the program there. As if that wasn’t enough, she'd saved the day, years ago, when my sister'd had some unexpected medical expenses and our minuscule trust fund had run out— it was Lisa's connections that got me the surrogacy job. I had lots of gratitude for that gesture, but the fact that I was indebted to her made me uncomfortable. In general, though, it was a non-issue. We kept things professional.

“I don’t see what your problem is. She’s cute, and she’s going to be an easy case. Relax, will you?”

I squirmed in my chair. Right. Just relax.

Everything was going to be justfine.

Chapter Six

Natalie

Today was the day.

I had told HR that I needed the entire day off for each of the days I would meet with the surrogate. Obviously, I didn't give them the real reason but instead used the cross-country move as an excuse. Cable guy, doctor appointments, and deliveries?they all provided a wealth of ‘cover’ for the true reason I needed the days off. I even justified it to myself by reminding the angel on my shoulder that I’d be a much more focused and productive employee once I had this all taken care of.

Well, it was true, wasn’t it?

I was meeting Ryan at his office, which was on the other side of the Marina district. I was glad for this because it meant I wouldn't have to go downtown and would ensure I wouldn’t run into anyone from work. As I stood outside a duplex with large bay windows, I double-checked the address. Yep, this was it. I pressed the buzzer labeled R. Andrews.

There was no response.Fuck, did I have the wrong day?I rechecked the address as dread started to build in my stomach and my palms grew sweaty—Maybe I should leave. No, I can’t leave. I have to do this. He’s got to be here.Hmm. Would I still feel attracted to him like I did before? Maybe it was a fluke. Why isn’t he answering? Maybe he had decided we shouldn’t do this, after all, and maybe he—

The door swung open.

“Natalie.” He met my eyes with a controlled smile.

I felt the same pulse of electricity as before, and something moved deep inside me, answering my question—yes, I was still attracted to him. To his body, at least. I searched his eyes.Did he seriously not feel that?

His expression was hauntingly even. “Sorry about that. Please come in.”

As I followed him in, I found myself wondering what kind of person became a sex surrogate. I mean, it certainly wasn’t a job you’d see in the classifieds. I crossed the threshold into his office, a small, bright space with high ceilings and a bay window that looked out to the street. The place was outfitted with a desk, some bookshelves, two leather chairs, and a sofa. Very different from what I’d expected. For some reason, I’d been expecting something…I don’t know… sexier? Low lights and red walls. I admonished myself; I’d seen too many movies. Still, I craned my neck, expecting to see a bed.

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