Page 121 of The Lessons

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. Look, I’ve always had a plan,” she finally explained. “I had certain things I needed to accomplish. In a certain order. By a certain time. I know, it sounds stupid.”

“It doesn’t. We talked before about how you probably crave order after having grown up not being sure where you’d be living or for how long.”

“Right. I forgot about that. Well, so you see, I always knew I wanted family, but there’s a certain order to things. You make sure you have a good job, then you date someone, maybe many someones, and then you get engaged and married and—"

“Natalie, hang on. Look at me,” I interrupted, gently tilting her chin up. “I have a question for you. Who’s to say what the right order is?

She fell silent. “What do you mean? There’s an order to things.”

“And this is why you needed to lose your virginity?”

She turned red and looked away. “It was messing with my plan.”

I sighed. I wasn’t mad. A lot of people in therapy weren’t honest with themselves, and it looked like Natalie wasn’t immune. I felt guilty for not having realized it earlier because it had been my job to help her. But all that was in the past now. What mattered was moving forward.

“Natalie, what did you think the consequences would be if things happened out of order? Were you supposed to never fall in love or have a family?”

Her voice went quiet. “I don’t know. Maybe I guess I felt like I didn’t deserve it. Like I wouldn’t have put in the work or something.”

I would have laughed if it hadn’t been so heartbreaking. Natalie was so analytical that it made sense she wouldn’t simply buy my argument. But hearing her say she could accept life without love?Well, that just made me want to show her even more.

“You do deserve it. You are an amazing person. Hell, you’ve managed to open up a side of me I thought was gone for good.”

“I think you did for me, too. I was so scared to allow this whole side of me out, but you made it safe. I don’t think I’ve actually thanked you for that.”

I nodded. “It was my pleasure. You’re more special than I think you realize, Natalie. Now, do you want to try this again?”

She laughed. “Okay.”

I pulled her into me. “I love you, Natalie Reese.”

She grinned up at me. “I accept that.”

I exhaled, shaking my head at her. She was playing with me now.

“Oh, and Ryan?” She looked into me, her eyes clear and deep. “I love you, too.”

I pulled her yet closer, and pressed my lips against hers.

“I hope you won’t find this unromantic, but I need you. All of you. Right now,” I rasped.

“Oh, fuck, finally,” she exhaled.

I picked her up and carried her down the hall toward her bedroom.

“Natalie?” I asked as I threw open the door.

“Yes?”

“Promise me you won’t be irrevocably damaged by fucking your therapist?”

“Ex-therapist,” she corrected.

Natalie

While he threw me down on the bed and tore off my clothes, I pulled off his shirt, desperately needing to feel his hot skin on mine. As he stripped off his pants, I offered supplies.

“There are some condoms in the nightstand.”

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