Page 1 of The Lessons

Prologue

A little over eight years ago…

Natalie

I lowered my voice and blinked at my boyfriend. “I…I don’t understand. What do you mean,gay?”

Josh leaned back against the red vinyl seat and ran his hands through his hair as I covertly scanned the restaurant. Even though we were seated in a private booth, I suddenly felt much too close to the other diners.

“Natalie, please—”

I craned my neck to find the waiter, but instead grabbed the busboy. “Could we get two shots of Jameson, please?”

The busboy considered my dining companion and then myself.

“Now?” I repeated.

Josh gently shook his head at me. “Whiskey ain’t going to change it, babe.”

I stared up at the ceiling, a confused mess of frustration. This wasn’t how today was supposed to go. Today was our anniversary. First of two I’d planned. Then we’d graduate, and he’d get a job with a firm in Connecticut and—

I felt blindsided by a strange tug of emotion coming from deep inside me. As my stomach churned, I tried to put a name to it. It wasn’t sadness…but not quite anger, either.

The busboy returned and placed the shots in front of us. Picking mine up, I raised an eyebrow towards Josh.

“Pass.”

I downed my shot and gestured toward his. “Mind?”

“Please.”

I threw my head back and felt a second burn move past my throat and warm my belly. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I mean, for anyone else: gay, straight, whatever, I didn’t care. Butwhydid it have to be my boyfriend?

I started to chuckle, now mellowed by alcohol. “Am I that unattractive?” I’d always thought our lack of sex was because he was acting the gentleman. Hah. Quite the virgin mistake.

He sighed, resigned. “LeeLee, don’t even go there. This isn’t about you; it’s—”

I snorted and then leaned in, lowering my voice to a whisper. “Are you serious? You are not seriously giving me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech?”

“Babe—”

“How long?”

Josh smirked. “Eight inches; seven if it’s cold outside.”

I frowned. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.”

“So?”

He ran his hands over his face before answering, giving me a moment to survey this man, who was now officially my ex-boyfriend. Josh was definitely handsome. When he’d first asked me out, I'd been convinced he was joking. After all, I’m not exactly someone who stands out in a crowd, and Josh was tall, tan, athletic—not to mention pre-law and all-American during the last rugby season. Dating him meant I was the envy of most girls on campus.

Guess I was the envy of some of the guys now, too.

“I don’t know. I mean, I guess I’ve always kind of known,” he said finally, scratching the back of his head like he did when he was anxious.

“So…” I tried to piece together my memories of the past year. “So youkind of knewbut dated me anyway?”

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