Page 59 of Until the Ribbon Breaks

My mother wraps her arms around me and pulls me against her. “You are not beyond help. And I will fight for you every day if I have to.”

I want to catch her words in my palm and hold them forever, but more than that, I want to believe them. Because what they want from me ... I don’t think it exists. There is something incredibly wrong with me. I feel it every single day, even on the good ones.

It’s exhausting and defeating and there have been so many times I’ve just wanted to throw in the towel and give up. I often question why I’m still hanging on, and it must be because somewhere, in some unknown place, there’s a seed of hope that keeps me going.

But where is it?

Why can’t I find it?

Will I ever?

HARLOW

“Can I just eat lunch in here?” I ask Dr. Amberg after he calls a nurse to come take me to the cafeteria.

“I let you stay in here all morning. You can’t hide out in my office forever.”

Leaning against the wall, I stare out the window as he gets back to whatever paperwork he’s been messing with since my mother left a couple of hours ago. When our session was over, I was supposed to join everyone in the rec room, but when I asked for a little more alone time, Dr. Amberg agreed to let me hang out in here with him. We wound up spending over an hour having a one-on-one because, somehow, it’s been easier for me to talk today. Since then, I’ve been quietly meandering around, trying not to disturb him and hoping that I could stay in here longer if I wasn’t a nuisance.

Dread fills my stomach when there’s a knock on the door.

“Come in.”

Marcus steps in, sees me, and smiles.

“You’re going to be with Harlow for the next few days while she transitions back into the group,” Dr. Amberg instructs.

“No problem.”

Looking over to Dr. Amberg, I try one more time with a needy, “Please.”

He shakes his head. “We’ve talked about this. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. Plus, why would you want to eat your lunch in here with me? This office is boring; you said so yourself.”

“This whole place is boring,” I murmur as I sulk over to the door.

“Oh, come on,” Marcus says, “it isn’t that bad.”

“Yeah, not for you; you get to go home every night.”

“Let’s go.”

“Oh, Harlow,” Dr. Amberg calls when I’m halfway out the door. I turn over my shoulder, and he tells me, “I’m proud of you.”

His words touch a tender space in my heart, and I give him a subtle grin before leaving.

“We’ve missed you,” Marcus says as we make our way to the cafeteria.

“I was only gone for a day.”

“Still.”

“And if there’s any truth to that, which I seriously doubt there is, the fact that anyone would miss me proves my point about this place being beyond boring.”

“It isn’t the same without your snarky glares and your constantgo bother someone elseswhen someone attempts to talk to you,” he teases with a smirk.

“I don’t say that toeveryone.”

He shakes his head because it’s pretty much true. I do say that to a lot of people in here.

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