Page 89 of Am I the Only One

“I can’t just walk away, Luca. I have to see this through—for my brother and myself. I’m just having a hard time becoming this person I barely recognize.”

Reaching out, he slips his hand along the side of my neck. The touch soothes.

“This doesn’t change who you are, Emma. You’re still the same girl I met three years ago.”

“I’m not,” I murmur.

“You are.” He pulls me closer to him. “This world ripped the rug out from under your feet, and you’re doing what you have to do to adjust. Look, I’m not saying I agree with this.” With a subtle flinch, he adds, “I’ll be honest with you, I don’t like the thought of you sleeping with that man, but I’ll never judge you for it and I’ll never use it against you.” His other hand comes to my face, and he holds me in his palms. “I’m here, and I’ll walk this path with you so you don’t have to do it alone.”

Leaning forward, I rest my head against his chest as he folds his arms around me, lowering us down on the bed. I want to tell him everything, tell him every detail, but as tempting as it is to be completely transparent with him, I can’t—I don’t know how. So, I bury it and let it be in order to protect myself. Let’s face it, I have my issues, and trust is a big one.

“I won’t let you lose yourself,” he says. “And if you feel like you are, then you come to me.”

“How can you be okay with all this?”

“Because it’syou.”

Drawing back, I look up into his eyes as he stares intently into mine.

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” he says.

His words loop around my heart and pull it right next to his, and it’s in this very moment that I find the peace I’ve been lacking. His touch calms my anxiety like balm to a wound, and I can finally feel something—the fall of my heart into his. It’s a powerful emotion that washes over me, taking me by surprise as it floods my system, and out of nowhere, my eyes water. I’m not one to break easily in front of others, but having him hold me instead of running away is beyond what a girl like me deserves.

Tears fill my eyes, mottling Luca into kaleidoscopic waves of color. I want to say something, anything, but the weight of what he makes me feel leaves me speechless.

Watching this shift in me, his brows furrow in concern. “What is it?” he questions, ghosting his thumb along the crest of my cheek.

“Are you sure about your feelings for me?”

Beyond my fear that we’ll screw this all up is an even bigger fear of not having him love me. I didn’t think I needed his love before, but I do, because it’s him. He’s the only one who’s been able to slip between the cracks of my heart.

“I never would’ve told you if I weren’t. I know we’re both scared, but I want this—with you.” He shifts down in the bed to meet me at eye level. “Tell me you feel the same because this limbo we’ve been in is killing me.”

It’s been killing me too, so I run my hand along his jaw, and with all my honesty, I admit, “I want this too.”

With that, he kisses me, slow and still, pressing his lips against mine. His arms tighten around my body, and as my heart untangles, I relax, softening into his hold. I move my lips, needing more, and he freely gives it. His kisses scorch my lips, and when he glides his tongue along mine, tingles race up my spine.

We’ve only kissed a couple of times before, but never like this. He moves over me, and my hands get lost in his hair when he drags his lips down my neck and along my collarbone. Goose bumps lick my skin when he slides his hand beneath the hem of my top, up my stomach, and cups my breast. I arch to feel more of his touch.

I’ve never desired a man’s hands like I do his, and being with him is unlike all the others before. Never were emotions attached, but now they are, and I don’t want to imagine sharing this with anyone else but Luca.

He unhooks my bra from under my top, and when he sits back on his heels, he pulls me up with him. My eyes tether to his as I lift my arms, a silent invitation for him to undress me, and he does. Slipping my top off, he pulls my bra with it, tossing them both to the floor. His eyes cascade down my body, taking in every inch of my exposed skin for the first time. No one has ever looked at me the way he is right now—as if I’m something special to be valued. I’m not, but it feels good regardless.

He pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it aside, adding it to the pile. I meet his stance, adjusting to sit on my heels, and guide his hand back to my body. My breath kicks hard as we sit in silence, staring into each other’s eyes. Seconds that feel infinite pass, melting pieces of me that this past year has hardened into ice.

I blink, and when a tear falls, his lips land along its dewy trail. He lowers me back down onto the mattress and kisses me slowly and thoroughly as the rest of our clothes are slipped from our bodies. With each item removed, I grow restless to have more of him—his heat, his touch, his power to calm and make the world right again, if only for tonight.

He touches my softest parts as if they were sacred, loving me in a way I didn’t think he was capable of. The room fills with my shallow gasps of pleasure, and when the heat of his tongue tastes me for the first time, I lose all focus. Gripping the sheets in my fists, I writhe beneath him.

I reach down to grab on to his head, but he catches my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. As he loses himself between my thighs, he holds my hand tightly in his. My head lifts, and I open my eyes. He’s entirely consumed, and as much as I want to watch him, the sensations become too much, and my head falls back onto the pillow.

His mouth is still on me when I hear the rip of the condom wrapper, and when he finally draws back, he spreads my legs wider. My eyes flutter open to see him staring down at me. He takes himself in his hand, and I watch as he pushes inside me.

I moan as he fills me, and when his head falls into the crook of my neck, he breathes a heady, “I love you.”

It’s as if everything beyond the two of us ceases to exist. He touches me in ways a woman could only dream of—with passion and purpose. He gives it freely when I am so undeserving. Yet, somewhere beneath all my vile behavior is a fragment of purity I thought was long gone until he unearthed it. So, I give it to him, handing it over with my heart as well, because he’s the only one I want to give them to.

I’d give him so much more if I could.

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