Page 88 of Am I the Only One

Emma

It’s strange, the shift that’s taken place these past few days. I’m not even sure how I feel about everything, but it’s clear that my gaining the upper hand was right move.

Establishing Luca as a client seeking help for the very issues that plague her was easy enough to come up with. I told Luca all the things Carly had revealed to me about her upbringing, her marriage, and how her marriage unraveled so that he could be someone she could relate to. We felt that was the best route to take to bring her insecurities and emotions to the surface so that he could more easily take advantage of her. Throwing in the offer of smoking pot with him was his idea. I didn’t think it would work, but eventually she took the bait.

When he left to use the restroom, he was really unlocking the door for me. I waited outside her office until I could hear them. Honestly, as I waited, I had no feelings flowing through me, not even nerves. To have so many emotions and not be able to sense a single one was a little disturbing. It was as if I was so shocked that I could bethatcallus that my brain refused to acknowledge it.

It wasn’t until the following morning, that I felt it—the jealousy of Luca having sex with her, the fear of taking this game to a very dangerous level, and the unease that came with my not entirely recognizing myself.

What’s done is done, so there is only one way left to go: forward.

I’ve been sitting on the photos because Luca thought it would be best for us to lie low for a bit, allow her panic to breed with paranoia and hammer in the fact that I now have the upper hand.

Luca insisted that I go with him to the university today to hear Tripp speak. I didn’t want to, but after what we had done, we both thought it would be the perfect opportunity to twist the knife in a little deeper. Again, I felt numb listening to Tripp speak, hearing his voice, and seeing Carly so pulled together at his side. Anyone on the outside wouldn’t suspect that her marriage was dangling by a withered thread. She’s a good actress, but that’s all it is—an act.

After, he wanted me to stay and go up to Tripp and Carly so we could freak the both of them out. I couldn’t do it and ended up feigning a headache before leaving. The walk home gave me an opportunity to think, and by the time I climbed into bed, I’d come to the decision that it was time to press Carly for the money she said she would get me.

Hours later, the front door opens, and I sit up in bed, watching as Luca comes straight into my room.

“What happened?” I ask when he sits next to me, propping one of my pillows behind his back.

“She freaked out when I spoke to her husband; her face went pale. But it gets better.”

“What do you mean?”

“Olivia was there. Carly flipped when she saw that the two of us knew each other. She literally ran off, so I think it’s safe to say that she’s losing her shit.”

I nod, feeling a swell of despondency come over me, and he picks up on it.

“Are you okay? I thought that would make you happy.”

“I thought it would too.”

“This is what you wanted, right?”

“Yeah.”

His eyes scan my face as I sit here, expressionless. “Hey,” he says gently, giving my arm a light tug so that I scoot to face him. “What’s going on?”

My first instinct is to push him away, but then I feel the tug, the same tug that’s been pulling me closer to him these past few weeks.

“Will you talk to me?”

“It just feels weird.”

“What does?”

“Me,” I confess. “Ifeel weird ... as if I’ve lost myself.” My eyes fall from him and when they return, I step out of my comfort zone and open up a little more. “I feel really lost right now. I know that I’m not, that I have you, but it’s still how I feel.”

“I hate that you’re feeling this way. But you do have me. I’m in this with you now, okay?”

“No, it isn’t okay. I should never have involved you, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Are you second-guessing this?”

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”

“All we have to do is delete the pictures and forget it ever happened. Walk away. The money situation we can figure out later.”

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